Simplify my life

thats what I need to do right now. I’m caught sucking up other people’s dramas and I need an out quick.

I’m finding that my jealousy and self doubt are starting to come to the surface again. N and sir (not sure if they know this) have been helping me out, but I can’t say where this change is from.

I did reize I did something really funny. My “vanilla” dating profile has a screen name that is hilarious. I dusted off an old email, one of the ones I had used when I was with ex Dom. I figured rather than going with a totally fake name, I’d go with a generic version of my own. So it is the name of his main character in his first series of novels. 

The reason this is so funny??? He used to threaten me with having to go out on a vanilla date with a woman. At the time I would have done just about anything to avoid that. So I guess my subconsciene did a little fuck you to him and when I posted my profile, with no prompt from sir, I chose a little shout out to him. God, totally high school and such a chick thing to do.

Needless to say…. It’s resulted in some of the funniest make profiles, a few fake females and even a clown. Like litterly a clown, not as a profession but that’s his kink!! 

It showed me even on vanilla sites we are attracted to our own. I’ve also come to the conclusion pof is just a horrible site, but okc has a tiny more potential. 

For the time being im not super interested in any of that. It takes too much work and im spending most of my energy trying to keep my shit together.

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