The long road

yesterday was quite the fucked up day in this slaves world.

I could write an entire novel on the amount of crap that happened, but I really don’t want to put that much effort in.

Highlights of shittery 

Fet girls outburst

Little R and her bad decisions

My issues with being so alone, yet together

All this in a manner of ten minutes set me into a complete meltdown. That concept of “more” coming to a head. The fact that I  just not at all happy or satisfied with the cards I’ve been dealt. 

The fact that I have all of the power and none at all to change it.

So im taking it back…. 

Little R was told how it is. Im done sugar coating things for her. If she decides not to speak to me, so be it.

Fet girl tried her bullshit again, she talks of gas lighting? That’s what she tries to do to me, so I turned it on her… Told her dealing with all the stress of everyone else has left me empty and that it is even causing me to take it out on Sir. Guilt-enjoy….

So 2 of them taken care of for right now. Everyone else…. Im in a meeting, key word for white collar/ leave me alone, just stop… All of you.

So far it’s working and now I’m thinking, I really am not in the mood to go out tonight.

Then when I think it all is taken care of…. Enter stage right, my mother…..FUCK

So she asks me if I can cut her hair tomorrow? I explained its been a few years since Ive cut hair and if she wants I’ll lend her the money, thinking no problem, what’s 40 bucks. So she says, great I’ll take a hundred and see you at 10:30 in the morning. Great, just fucking great. Thanks mom. I’ve asked her three times to make me an appointment with her, but since she took my extra money, I’ll just have to wait. Again I go to the back of the line, and it’s my own stupid fault.

Sir and I had a long talk last night and I know he’s not happy either. It’s sad because it’s not that we are unhappy with each other, but with the situations we are stuck in. 

I respectfully asked him not to go all Dom on me and try to reset me with pain. 

He wanted to speak of my divorce. To me im so far from married that I don’t think about it except when a financial issue come up. I really don’t know how much this impacts him. 

See one of the big things is I hate when people say they are stuck, I’ve always believed no one is really stuck we all hold the power to change. 

I just question, have I changed for the better?

4 thoughts on “The long road”

  1. Hugs and I mean it, big big hugs. This reminded of a few things from my life. Kinda like you’re at the lull or rather cusp before things change. You got the breathing room for thinking.

    Although, why not tell mom you ment 40 and she’s not getting the 100?
    You deserve to be at the head of line. Your needs need to come first in yourself. I’m sure you know this. And I know how hard it is to do it too.

    Liked by 1 person

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