There’s a big difference between blog me and real life me……I Don’t Bitch. Here I may rant and rave, but real me is diplomatic, I think (most times) before I speak and I am the one in both my personal and professional like people seek out to diffuse conflicts.
You may think, ok great, so what? What…most people don’t realize why I do it. I hate confrontation, I hate being around miserable people. I get physically ill when I’m surrounded by stress, even when it’s not mine. So how do I handle real life stress (aside from this bloggy thing) easy, I try to look at things logically except when it comes to Little R.
I’m not going into the whole back story that has gotten me to the point that I’m sitting here typing a mile a minute, pissed as all fuck. Sir knows it, so crib notes, she’s going to fuck a fellow married with children coworker, at a job she just started a month ago. Way to go on that fresh start you stupid fuck. So I voiced my peace last night. Remember my screen name? So I’ll sit back and watch her repeat my mistake, and be there when her world fucking crumbles, but I’m in no way going to support her decisions.
I have a real problem with people that think I’m going to be happy when they put morality aside and do fucked up things, see I’m in no way perfect or thinking I have these wonderful morals, but when people assume I’m going to be happy about their bad choices I get pissed. She actually said to me “I thought you’d be happy, since it will most likely end with me leaving(insert asshole boyfriend’s name)…..Guess again bitch, no that won’t make me happy. She has no concept of what it’s like dating a married man, the risk and heartache that’s associated with it….plus, way to one up me and make it a co-worker…….stupid, just fucking stupid.
At the end of our conversation she says she’s going to be near my house both days this weekend and going to brunch today, I say ok…..I mean she’s stood me up 6 times in the past month. No offer for me to come to brunch. Sir suggested I ask her to stop by after. The problem is she’s going to be drunk and I don’t want to hear her shit when she’s drunk. I will sometimes go into a very triggery state with drunk people when I’m sober due to my mother and I run the risk of being very mean and that is a mind-frame I will regret afterwards.
Back to today…..
I woke up this morning and put it in my mind to go to the gym and then I knew she would call as she does everyday when she wakes up. I would ask her over with the preface of- if your not drunk. I would put the lack of an invite and her bad choices aside. That whole be the mommy thing.
but…she FUCKED UP. As i’m walking in the best breeze feeling really damn good about myself. I get a call.
Side note:At the gym I started to play the fucked up music association game. Pandora was down, so instead of the really crappy dance stuff I would normally work-out to, I had to listen to the music on my playlist. Most of it associated with people I no longer speak to and I started to feel the drop coming. I managed to keep it out by getting a good runners high going. I’ve noticed the more intense the scenes get and the more different things I do, the faster I start to drop. Take a spanking or normal impact scene. It will take up to 5 days to drop, but when I add weird shit, like fireplay and rope and multiple partners the drop comes faster, last time with no warning. So as I’m dealing with a bratty little, I’m also dealing with my own drop.
The music stops…I answer her call to a Little R talking a mile a minute, where should we go for brunch? The place we wanted to go doesn’t open until one? WTF….you not only don’t invite me but now I’m your fucking live version of Yelp. I took a breath and gave her 2 suggestions, to then be asked well where exactly are they? I wanted to scream, you have an iPhone!!!! instead I tell her google bottomless brunch in (insert my neighborhood) and they will come up and that’s when I lost it and said, “oh and buy the way….thanks for the invite” She was not prepared for the fucking real bitch tone in my voice. She said well it wasn’t mine to give, so I said, well then you asked her if you could and she said no? She was dead silent. Turns out she was in the car with the woman she was going with. I know the real reason I didn’t get an invite. When she goes out with this woman, she gets her meal paid for and if I went I would have gone in my wallet to pay for my own, forcing her to do the same in order not to look like an ass.
So a free brunch is worth pissing of your “best friend”? BTW, she’s real lucky I haven’t crushed her illusion, because, she’s in no way my best friend. I can think of four people that fall into the best friend category before her….and that’s just off the top of my head.
The woman in the back-round could be heard saying we can go pick her up. I said no, thanks, I just got out of the gym, have a good time, google the addresses.
then hung up.
Sorry Sir but I don’t think inviting her over after brunch would be the best thing to do. I do think that if I want to end a friendship, then I should. It’s funny because at this very moment, a part of me wants to…..I no longer benefit from this relationship.
The main point is I’m really tired of tip toeing around everyone’s feelings and in return getting shitted on. Some people are just toxic and I’m tired of getting taken for granted. Do it too many times and I ghost.
Another sad truth, now that we no longer work together all benefits that I did have are gone. I’m now her sounding board. I now deal with her problems. I’m the person she calls at the most inconvenient times. I get nothing out of it. I get stood up on a weekly basis. I’m not her friend, I’m her therapist and let’s face the hard truth, I’m not a Domme and that’s what she really needs along with a good fucking shrink.