No bucket list?

last night, out with my shadow and I told him all about the weekend.

Then he asks “what’s next on your kinky bucket list?”

I took a moment and it hit me….. I’ve got nothing…..

What a weird thought. I have no adventures that I would do left undone.

We had a nice yet short night….

Aside from that, I’ve got nothing. I spend the day with my mother. A couple of hours fighting with her. I really would rather not relive it.

I forgot, or purposely blocked out what took place in the car on the way to the party friday. My ex, finally got a firs under his ass to clear up the IRS stuff friday, even giving me proof that it’s done. I knew that means only one thing, she’s pressing him to file the papers.

So he texted me something, I forget, but asking if I still need the insurance. I tell him no, do what u need to do, I’ll get my own.

Then I ask him to please not serve me with no notice. That’s something he would do. He says he would never, but I’m pretty sure, yup, he would.

It’s not that I want my old life back. 

I told my mother that it’s just another court document proving I’ve failed at life and I should frame it along with my bantupcy, foreclosure and short sale paperwork. After an hour I was able to finally say, it’s not I failed at marriage, I did everything I could to make it work, I failed at picking the right husband. So true and so sad.

So im glad that I did the suspension and not impact play. My emotions were running way too high.

I’ll be happy when it’s over, but sad, I do see it as a failure and I have a real problem with that.