Fuck you….

RAIN!

As the steps of grief continue im at acceptance. You know I hate this feeling the most. Im a fighter and to me acceptance is giving up. Funny cause it’s also submitting, but not in the good dripping kind of way.

It’s accepting the cards dealt, but a part of me still wants to say no, no life, this was not what was supposd to happen!

But sad fact is…. I can’t change things. I have no power over the shitty choices I’ve made. This includes my infertility. When I was a teenager I could have had a child, I made that choice not to and no I deal with the ramifications of that choice. Same with my marriage, I could have ended it sooner, I could have said no.

Then there’s the rain. I had looked forward to this weekend for a month and now ….. All plans cancelled. Well not all, more adjusted. No going away, but still I have tomorrow that should be ok for a little beach and pool. Then there’s a party, I really did want to take a long break from those things, but….. I really miss some (not all) of the people and as FGD has reminded me I owe him a spanking….I told him I have not an ounce of recollection of that:)

Oh well, at least im off for four days. Damn, now I have to food shop or risk starvation.