Stranded

its weird, that’s exactly how I feel right now. I’ve noticed I get really weird emotionally a couple of days after I play.

It’s not drop, but a hopelessness that comes over me a day or so before. I know now that was the reason in my first blog I would over work myself at the gym and then drink.

It’s really the main problem I have with the lack of physical access to Sir. I feel stranded inside of my own head.

I forget what it’s like to be in a relationship that has no demographic restrictions. I went right from my exhusband who was never there, like never, ever around to the ex Dom that lived two hours away with a wife and child, to sir that’s in another state.

I like my alone time, I really do, but….sometimes it’s just too much. I’ve been tasking myself with doing so many things with so many people that I feel even more solidtude  than ever.

Everyone in my life gets a small peice of me and sometimes when I lay my head down at night all that’s left is the scary part. 

The voice that says “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

How can you even stand to be around you? What is wrong in your head?

And on and on and on…….

Yet I get up, get dressed, fake a smile and go on.