Changing gears

It’s been three full days since the text message that sent my heart to a dark place.

I’m now realizing it’s a good thing, it woke me up to the fact that I put way to much effort into really needy people and allow the good ones to sit by the sidelines.

Little R cancelled again and lies about the reason why, so in the most polite way I called her out on it and haven’t heard from her since. The reason I’d been holding back on doing that is the fear she’d put me to yet another coworker, but… fuck it, I deserve to be respected.

Yesterday I got a nice unexpected text that said… what you doing tonight? Wine? This was from l at works friend that lives not far. I tell her well I have all these things, then the gym, your welcome to join. She says I’ll pass, not really wanting the gym thing (totally fine with that) I say I’ll meet u after, text you at the gym and give you an hours heads up? To most I deal with there would have been pouting and feet stamping, resulting in me being alone on a Friday night, but she said sure.

It was nice, easy, two glasses of wine, please tell conversation. Both of us had a hard week and we just needed to be alone, together.

I also spoke with my friend from vanilla land that I occasionally Donne. She went through a similar rejection from her family and lost her nieces in the battle over her lifestyle choices. We ended the conversation both texting… love you, people suck, at the same time.

I am still looking at my friendships and making an effort to cut the drama, embrace the good ones and say goodbye to those I may love but give me pain. The most fucked up part, I loose my goddaughter.