Birthday pizza

We woke up super late.

Plans to have pizza with L and the family.

For the last of my birthday treats, I ordered Sir the biggest thing of spumoni ever seen. It’s one of those traditions you just can’t miss.

After cuddles on the couch with both of us falling asleep.

Really wish it wasn’t raining today. but we are heading to the city anyway. Thanks to a kinky all woman’s group on fb, I’m getting an extremely expensive haircut for next to nothing and I really need it.

Tomorrow a return to reality and back to the office and stresses of normal life. The silver lining will be meeting up with Sir at a gallery after for one last night before the birthday trip ends.



Bombs and Birthday cake

Welcome to NYC…..

Last night a large group of us headed into the city for a party. Little R had a total panic attack that the party was a few blocks away from the Chelsea bomb. In hind sight, it might have been wise to not drive straight into that area last night, but I had worked on a surprise for Sir for weeks and almost everyone at the party was in on it. There was also the thought, Fuck it, if I die, a fetish party is as good of a place as any to go.

There was just enough drama last night to keep things interesting. I told anal hook girl off in the nicest possible way. Fet girl never showed up, really really glad about that!. I was not prepared, nor can I ever be for that. Plus, damn it is Sir’s birthday and as much as he loves a good girl fight, I wanted to keep things happy. Some how as stressed as we all were, we had a really good time.

FGD and N were stuck on the west side hwy with the suprise in the truck. Sir half kidding asked for a non cali blonde, an oriental and a set of red-headed twins. So off I went to grant his request. I did manage to find two red heads, not twins, a Russian blonde and the hostess dressed up in a great Asian outfit.  So shortly after midnight, I changed into an apron with garters and lacy stuff, big sheet cake in hand and the music cut! a big happy birthday announcement and everyone sang for him as he realized what I managed to put together. He was really happy with that and I served the entire party some cake.

There were birthday spanking and everyone had scenes that seemed to go well, my little French Shadow even got to play. Setting him up with little R did not work, I didn’t think it would, but hell I had to try.

I guess those are the highlights. Getting home we lucked out by parking across 7th ave. Had we not the police had blocked the streets and we would have been trapped there. It was a long and fun night, glad Sir has enjoyed his birthday so far.


I made it through….

One of the longest days of my life.

A couple of years ago, it would have been just an average day. A couple hours sleep and then back at work and all that comes after. I really am just not that person anymore and I can now see how that really affected my mental state.

I was exhausted. After a few errands I made it back home to Sir, cleaned up, cooked and laid down on the couch. A part of me wanting to stay up, but I just couldn’t anymore. At some point he woke me to go to bed and I have no memory of it, but I woke up to my alarm, so I know it happened.

Today should be a good day. Doing something Sir has wanted to for a while. I still have reservations about tonight’s party and I hope Fetgirl can be an adult, but I doubt it.

Well, back to the laundry……no time to sit here typing.

How to survive on three hours sleep

coffee and inappropriate jokes…

Ugh work, I have to be here and im fading fast. Sending my ex work husband to the land of miricles to bring me back energy and a chia tea….aka Starbucks. I need a warm hug from the inside right now.

Yesterday’s worries were no big deal. For some reason me being so scattered triggered a weird reaction in me. I acted as I would have with my ex, afraid. 

Sir knows im human. Yes when needed there are punishments, but trying to do as much as I’ve been doing and forgetting a bag was ok. I know me and that won’t happen again. Sadly the other thing I forgot to buy was his juice, so back to the store later. He knew I would have woken up extra early and went before work, but he said not too.

A large part of me still needs to learn how to allow him to care for me. I’ve never been taught that.

But back to last night. We met up in the city and stopped for a much needed beer after he got done being a little kid with some drones.

The off to see the dancers and baby.

We took a long walk, enjoyed some finger food and wine. The make half came home and there was just f/f play instigated by sir, it was really great. I almost forgot how much I enjoy her touch. 

Sir brought out the blindfold and in that moment I didn’t question or hesitate. Whatever he wanted to happen was ok, I knew I was safe. Her hands, smaller than mine. He showed her how to fist me and I was gone. 

Later after a long trip home, I had some cramping, but it was the first time since the surgery and also the first time I’ve cum that hard. It’s a much different cum than anything else, it’s full…. Pulsing and dripping. Great, now I have tired cunt brain and wet panties. Ugh this day is really dragging. 

I woke up fine no pain, happy with Sir in my arms. It was a great yet short night feeling very at home with Sir.

Oh and I almost forgot, Sir liked his little gift I found for him. A local artists rendition of the subway station near me. The thought even if he didn’t like the art, he would think of me as we’ve walked those stairs together so many times. 

Fucked up morning

You know your off to a great start when you wake up to an alert from your bank that your account is overdrawn!

So I get up, consult my list, run around my house like a crazy woman. 

Little R calls and I say out loud “fuck her, im not answering” then of course I answer. She wants to know what I’m doing later. I say meeting Sir in the city. So she says I’ll meet up with you. I tell her we are going to a store and the. Heading to Roosevelt island. She says ok, let me know when u leave for the city. A part of me wants to say, no, stop, can I get one ducking minute alone with him?

Another part of me knows something is up with her. She wants to come out saturday, she has t mentioned the ac/married guy crap in days. So im leaving it up to him. 

I also woke up and my teeth hurt. I was having stress dreams and I know at one point I shot straight out of bed. My reaction to stress is self inflicted pain, I was grinding my teeth all night, to the point that they hurt and feel loose.

I know a part of it is the possible/probable play tonight. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had any group play that is sexual in nature and I had one of those “what the fuck am I doing moments” crap, I really thought I was well past that mind fuck. Guess I’m not.

The funny part and I think what stresses me out the most is my physical reaction to situations like tonight. I get insanely turned on by the thought of being one sub to three doms/tops. The flip side is that’s a lot of pressure to please that many people.

Im excited to see sir, but im building things up in my head and making myself stress out. I just need to breathe. I need a hug. In hind site, I should have not slept withy collar (it makese itch) and put it in my bag last night, with everything else.

Plans, and stuffs

wow, what a crazy morning.

I think I remebered it all, plus got stuck in a 2 hour launch meeting for a new implementation.

Also tool a few minutes to send Sir some collars. Any one know a good custom leather place? Or an etsy they like. My neck is pretty small and unless im going to buy one for my yorkie, I can’t do off the shelf.

Lots left to do…

See you tomorrow sir!

The Grooms story

Now that I’m at a keyboard I can really try to get this down.

15 years ago the groom was in active duty in the marines. I believe he was somewhere in the pacific, think island, little communication, big time difference. He had just gotten done with a bunk inspection (by this time he was an officer). He heard some cryptic thing about a plane hitting a building and thought it was another crop duster, as that had happened the week before in some rural part of the country.

He reported to his superiors to hear……your city has gone mad and we are going to war. He still couldn’t grasp the severity of those words. They rounded up all of the officers and everyone else and made them get into lines. Four to be exact. A Catholic line, a Jewish line, a protestant line and an “other” line. They were told they needed to sign there wills. Could you imagine how fucking scary that is? To be essentially in paradise and not really have the facts yet, but being told, well, we could ship out today….but it gets worse. After they sign them, the Holy representative of there choosing gave them their (in the catholic way) their last rights. Then they waited, and waited….He said it was the longest day of their lives. The officers were able to make limited contact with family. He was one of the very few that called NYC home, so they gave him first consideration, but to them, we were at war. He said in that very moment he was ready, he shed no tears signing his will or getting his last rights, he was full of nothing but anger and a need to make sure we as a city were safe. All bases were on high alert and had the order come they would have moved inside the hour.

He still says he can not imagine what is was like to be here that day, but as we suffered, they were ready. He said it took him 10 years to shed a tear for that day, to replace the anger of being so far away with….not sadness, but reflection.

Last night was my quarterly work torment and I was up until 3am. On those days I look for something to fill the hours between work and second work. Sadly yoga was only one hour and with the amount of soreness I had from the day before, I was ok with that. I met up with BG. Her poly/domish/rigger is away on a work trip and she had a few days of normal life and really wanted to catch up. She’s a really smart and interesting person if you can get past her insanely thick accent. I picked a place with decent lighting so I could read her lips. We spoke of how very different we both are from a year ago and even more from almost 2 years ago when we first met.

We talked of adventures, both the good and the shitty people in the community. The toxic people and the landmines that we navigate in certain relationships and friendships. We also spoke of our……viability. We are absolutely on the older side of the fence when it comes to submissive women. We joked how we wished we had the stomach’s to be Dommes, age doesn’t seem to be as much of a factor and the pool of men is extremely big. She said for her it’s worse because as a rope bunny there are only about 20 good riggers in the tri-state area and all of them have a steady stream of little young things throwing themselves at them. We then went full circle back to the first night we had coffee and stayed chatting for 6 hours. She’s getting to a point I had been at before, where she is wondering if she has gotten too used to her life and way too selfish to have kids. Thinking maybe that’s part of the reason she has gotten herself into this poly hell hole. So as we sit there in some godforsaken hipster bar, her frozen eggs waiting, the last of mine dying, we both sighed, no words, just a silent understanding of “this was not how I thought things would go”.

A big hug to end the night and we both went home to work some more. Promises to hang out and try to chat at this weekends party, both knowing more than a hi and a few kind words are all we will exchange. Funny I have a group that I’m recognizing now. They are the really underappreciated friends, the low maintenance ones, the ones you don’t see much, but when you do the camaraderie and conversation flows and it’s not “hard”. Sad part is I think the lack of contact is one of the things that keep the friendships like that. So I’m going to try, lol, maybe once a quarter, try to get together with them. So far there’s three, but who knows, maybe there’s more I just haven’t realized yet.



The event

it was so good, but so raw.

The 5 k was brutal… My shin hurt, so bad, I run in the gym 5 miles, but the impact isn’t the same. I took this time to catch up with my old friend. It was good, what my heart needed. I told her I’ve found in small part I’ve been surrounding myself with some people I don’t really like, just because I’m loney and they are close. She and the bride at different times thanked me today and said something I thought of them, ” I forgot how good of a person you are and how much I’ve missed you”

I even told my old friend of the change, how I live my life, for me. That all my dreams I now make reality and … I even showed her the suspension pics. I knew even though not her thing, she’d accept me. She’s been used to being the one that was judged. 

I told her of the last 5 years and she told me of hers, still we run on a weird parallel. 

We both escaped our childhood homes and are amazed at just how much more there is to life and to live now that we are out.

We ran full speed across the finish line, recording each other… Our first 5 k!!

Then on to yoga… Oh the crowd, thousands. We were front row, old people get up early, you know.

I cried….

I broke down three times.

My sunglasses on, no one saw. I know many did. Today was acknowledged. The fact so many were there to heal was at the front of the total of 5 yogi’s messages.

We laughed,cried, hugged, made plans for the future.

It being nyc we even had a crazy protester… On a portable loud speaker during our chant…

She said, oh, something about the commercializations if yoga, but in my opinion messed it up by then saying something about the fair and its support of slaughtering animals. I mean really it’s you and two other people, pick an issue and stick with it!😂

We chanted her out, the yogi saying its a great way to learn focus. I then later tagged my friends in post…

I was a vegan for many years, but I never acted like my choices were better. 

We parted ways and the bride and I stayed for the promise of some air time… Totally worth it.

After we headed out for food and our search for a really cold beer. Many places later, I got just another amazing story of an experience you may never know of 15 years ago from her husband, but that’s for tomorrow…im tired and have too many pics to go through for sir.