Those that know me, not even well, just a little bit will quickly learn this.
Sir calls the look of contempt, or disgust, or whatever that most horrible and over documented look I give as my “Monday face”
So in knowing this…. why press my buttons??? The only rational explaination…. to get me to react.
See it’s not that I really hate Mondays or my job or routine. Oddly I love routine and my job really isn’t bad. I’m good at it and is more often than not a good place for me emotionally.
What gets me is the sudden change of having to do something. Not wanting to but having to. On the weekend I make plans, but the truth, I won’t starve or be homeless if I break them. So the mental change from doing what I want and what I must, makes me much less gaurded in my reactions.
Mix that with the fact I’m hungry …. ugh.
Like I said to sir yesterday. Little R would not call until Monday. Like a fucking psychic, as I’m walking to work my music stops. I figure she wants to tell me about the weekend, so I begrudgingly answered.
Just to mess with her I purposely didn’t ask about the weekend. I wanted to see how long she could fake concern for me. Turns out 30 seconds. I got a how was your weekend, I say nice, low key. How is your mental state? I say good as always, I think, yet don’t say, fucking better than yours, I’m not mentally ill, your the bipolar one.
So turns out her brother puked most of the trip. Typical I just turned legal behavior. She fucked the married guy. I asked her if it was worth it. Then she started on how poor she was, then that she was wearing a new dress she brought on Saturday. I told her stop right there. That’s not what I mean. I asked did she have an epiphany. She acted stupid, so I had to explain, she said no. She went on to say it was good and the closure she needed.
So I said then you have come to at least a conclusion… she plays stupid again. I tell her stop acting dumb. Either it was worth it and you’ll do it again, it made you decide to leave your current relationship, or it made you decide that you are happy just where you are with asshat boyfriend.
She then says oh, now I get it ( I think fake dumbass)
She goes on to say, she has not intention of leaving Him or cheating again. I say see that’s an epiphany.
The conversation was frustrating to say the least and I gave her no feed back. She’s going to do what she wants so why waste my breathe. Plus by the sound of her voice, she was lieing.
I showed up at work we said good bye….
That’s just when the fun got started, but first a side note:
See I asked that question because I did a similar thing to what she did. After it was over, I knew, even if it would be hard, even if I’d be broke and so lonely I’d want to die, I had to leave my ex. I couldn’t bare the thought of his cold and clammy touch again. A Devine moment of clarity, brought to be by one very decent fuck.
Ok, back to I sit down at work….I am saying hi to my Monday morning cast of characters. And I get a text. Thought I was really seeing shit…..C, that passive aggressive fuck that seriously ripped by heart out a week and a half ago, sends me a fucking meme to appoligize???
Dude this isn’t a you stained a dress you borrowed kind of fight, this was a you told me I was a piece of shit with no reasonable explanation.
I waited, I checked my email, had pleasant conversations with my coworkers. Had a smoke. Blasted this all to N.
Then I responded that I’m at work, I’ll be home after 8. It was cold and direct. There will be boundaries set. I’m going to negotiated this friendship like a first time scene from a Dom perspective, if and only if I decide I want to speak to her.
(Bonus blog going up later, maybe, not about her or anything that I just mentioned)