For the third time in my life I have been granted good fortune based on prior hard work. A bail out of sorts. Each bail out had been required due to my shitty selection of people I trusted.
So tonight I sit with n and get some legal advice as to what to do.
It’s a get out of financial jail free card. A total restart. There’s a loss I’ll need to accept but it can finally get me out from under this pressure.
Talking to bg last week she said how her job would be ending at the close of the year and she was excited. Due to sound investments and a strict savings plan (followed for the past 20 years) she has the ability to take a few years off and travel. I thought holy crap!! Then thought, shit, that could have been me had I not allowed my mother and ex to bleed me dry.
So in this my fortieth year of life, I’m trying to set the wrongs right.
I’m getting my body and mind back into shape and with this new opportunity my financial future is looking to be repaired as well.
Funny how you always say ( or at least I do) that if I looked better, if I had more money, if I lived in a beautiful place…..I’d be happy. Turns out, sure, the stress becomes less, but it doesn’t really make you happy. It lays the ground work to give you the time to figure out what happiness is.
What I need to do this time is not repeat the errors of my past. This bailout will not be shared with my family or anyone that is not directly involved or can assist in giving sound advice.
Actually the phrase bail out is wrong, this is something I’ve earned, so it’s time to collect!
C never called last night. I adulted and did the right thing, asked if she was free to meet Friday night.
She has “company” coming over. First off, she invites me. I decline stating without us speaking I’m not comfortable with the idea of coming over, she than agrees( thanks for the pos invite) then there’s the fact that she doesn’t know anyone I don’t know, so whoever “company” is is someone I don’t like.
She then proceeds to tell me she was hospitalized last week for three days for stomach poisoning.
She’s said this before and knows I don’t forget.
That was her excuse for a three day psych hold. So whatever she took, they pumped her stomach and kept her for observation.
So I continued to adult. I didn’t call her out on that, instead I explain I have a very busy couple of days but I should be home at a reasonable hour Thursday night to speak.
Here’s the thing with me. A conversation over the phone….well that just won’t go well. See in the comfort of my house alone I won’t hold back, I loose my ability to properly censor myself. The other problem is she knows this. Face to face, in public, I could keep my decorum, the emotions could stay grounded and we could theoretically repair this friendship. The biggest problem, she knows this. So that’s the answer I needed, she no longer wishes to be friends and needs me to blame for the dissolution of a 24 year relationship.
But it’s balance, one good thing, for one bad thing and the world continues to spin.