Now I’m just gone.
Empty, bitter a shell of a person. I have hardly any ability to find joy, my heart is empty.
All I needed was for him to sign the papers. You release me to get my small about, I don’t go after your big one. Oh there’s more to it than that, but that’s the easy story.
He stood my up many times, today he showed. I looked for the truck I consigned and we brought together. Instead he had apiece of crap.
I get in and say, where’s the truck? He says I traded it in and got a new car, I gave it to my girlfriend since she has the baby and is now working in bklyn.
I was willing to let that pass.
Then he questions me gently (passive fuck) about how much money it is. When he signed the waiver, its printed on it, so I tell him, it’s not much.
He made a comment I should save it as a downpayment for something….the anger starts and I say still in a calm tone, well that’s not going to happen for a decade, remember the bankruptcy and short sale?
He says by then you should move out of state… like I am
This is the moment I have to decide to loose it or be smart, controlled, find out his plan, plus we are standing in the bank and the papers aren’t certified yet.
He then spills his grand plan. A “comp” case is giving him the option of going out on a disability pension, between that and ssd and pension and on and on, he will be making more money than now and he’s looking to move to Texas! It’s a pension friendly state, so it will all be tax free.
He can stay home and raise the baby, ……(insert rage and he’ll fire) so what, do she can get another shitty job at Payless??
He signs the papers and I hold it together, no exploding.
Then I walk through the doors at work. Right I’ve to L and fucking loose it. Why does he get what I wanted, what he never wanted. When I wanted to leave NYC he said no because of his son. Well where is your son in these plans you fuckng peice of shit!
How did I end up in a shitty apt working my ass off alone and you hit the fucking proverbial jackpot. What leprechaun do you have stuck up your ass you mc fuck?
So… that’s it. Still no divorce papers but now I know his motivation for proceeding.
I’m done, empty….. no more tears, no more venom, just empty.