Long days

Funny how the good days go so quickly. it seems like seconds ago Sir walked through the door after traveling all night to make it in time for thanksgiving.

The party saturday was a total dud. L and M had fun and that’s good. Sir and I just socialized. we hung out with my, wait, I guess now our french shadow. the only part Wirth mentioning was watching Sir teach him to use a flogger.

I was sitting with l, getting oddly, yet respectfully propositioned by curly hair, big ball guy and even he noticed my eyes light up. I explained that I never get to watch sir play as I’m always on the receiving end. It was a very odd turn on.

He also asked for a females view on how verbal dominance works. I found that horribly hard to explain. It’s really a combo if things, from the depth of his voice, the lack of judgement when truthful answers are given. Also it’s the way he phrases questions. Not really one thing that I can pinpoint, but we both become different in D/s conversations.

Take our first chat. It started very very vanilla. By the end of it, he’d found out more information than I think my best friend ever knew. We both fell very easily into a dynamic. Wrapped in my comforter as he said good night, I was at peace. A peace I really hadn’t know prior to him. 

I had experienced subspace, but not from a good place, only from a reaction to very intense pain. He sent me there with kind yet commanding words. He can still do that. 

I’m at work now and really missing him. 

Yesterday was good, lazy but good. lots of cuddles and at one point he sat on the couch and put his head on my lap. Those are the sweet moments that I hold onto when he leaves. 

Funny that I’m now sitting here wet with my clot pulsing from recalling playing with his haur, cooking him dinner, having him hold me. It’s not always the kinky stuff that creates and feeds the dynamic. I think it’s more the appreciation I recieve. 

A simple note of thanks for leaving the slave e tray set for him, Sir it’s those things that set our relationship apart from the others. It’s you explaining to l that even though it his birthday I won’t be playing because I wasn’t 100 percent. it’s knowing that we take care of each other  and I no longer feel alone when I hear your voice.


Sorry about that food Coma

Funny how sometimes you make all these plans ans then accidentally a food coma hits.

Part of Sirs anniversary gift was a good dinner. I got up super early to go shopping. Started and with the exception of 2 gifts that due to my budget. will need to wait, got all of my holiday shopping done. Gift buying is hard for Sir, so I pick up little things I know he will like and make him bags of care instead.

After the gym and the shopping I started to bake, then cook. After dinner I had planned to dress up as his favorite bell girl and serve him dessert. We were outside and both of us looked like we had just had thanksgiving dinner. I told him of the plan and he agreed, that could wait. lol, but he still ate the baked goods.

We had a good warm hug at the exact time of our first call. That was the night Sirs warm words first hugged me. So weird how one call to a stranger can change so much about the way you see life.

As I tend to do I laid on the couch and within minutes I was fast asleep. I don’t remember going to bed, but I do remember waking up to the need to be used. Sir had come in and started plating with me and had I been able to make words I’m pretty sure I would have screamed and begged to be fucked. I don’t recall when this need to play in a half awake state started but since we keep such different sleep schedules it works. I fell back into a deep sleep with the sweet taste of Sirs cock and cum in my mouth. When the alarm went off it was nice to enjoy some extra cuddles. Honestly it’s Saturday and there’s no real rush to get to the gym.

Sir is sleeping soundly and I guess I’ll go and get a few things done.

2 years…

I thought of writing a brief review of the highs and the lows, but why do that? I mean it’s all documented here.

Instead I’ll say the things I don’t too often.

That we are lucky. In two years we had so many adventures, good times, a few bad ones and more cuddles and good hugs than most have in a life time.

See even the bad times aren’t all bad. Unlike in the past when life happens I know (even when I push him away, or try to) that He’s there. I have support in a way I did not think was possible. For that I thank you Sir.

I had a three part surprise for him planned today. One part fell apart, one part is postponed until Christmas, but the second part I am saving for later.

Thinking of the last two days, we really have an amazing ability to roll with the punches. When plans change and new things arrive, we just do it. So I put together a little bag for you of things to show I care. I hope you enjoy them as tonight’s gift is not tangible.

I am not the girl I was and I don’t know in two more years who I will become, but I’m happier than words can say to have spent the last years with you.

Happy anniversary Sir.

Biggest mushy hug,

Sorry I kneed you in the back last night,

Your mushy slave



Yesterday was so busy.

Got through work, ran home to meal prep. Had to travel to yoga. 

Happy Tuesday was both early and late, I was on the subway and Sir was running errands  The second tuesday and that’s the extent of it. 

After an ok class I headed to the city. it’s so weird to see alphabet city and nit be afraid for my life. It was SMG’s birthday.  I got to meet her couple,  had a beer, chatted with some of her friends. it was nice and low key. I got carded at the door, the bouncer laughed when he saw my id, then laughed harder when he scanned it and it was real. first time in 15 years I was carded at a bar. the crowd was thirty somethings not bad but not a place I’ll go out of my way for.

When it was time to leave I walked with 2 of her coworkers. One guy here from Ireland just over a year. we walked by an Indian place and he mentioned something of the smell reminding him of his many trips to England. that got us on the topic of how powerful our meories can be when triggered by scents. 

It had me missing Sirs smell.

Home and in bed so tired. FGD sent me a link to a song he was listening too. It was in french but so familiar. I told him it sounded like something nana,sang to me when I was a child. the conversation of smell had me thinking of her too. He then sent me the English version and yes, that was one of her favorites.

At every holiday .. I miss them.https://youtu.be/Gnp58oepHUQ

Drop and shock

Anyone that knows me, kniws I drop pretty damn hard. it usually takes a few days and it’s mostly a very emotional thing. 

Yet the scene saturday was different. I had been in a parachute harness that it alone caused very bad bruising. there was also more caning than I’d ever previously had and my the aftermath of the impact was…just different. 

Yesterday it was cold, but to me it was like the arctic. it was in my bones like I was naked on a glacier. I couldn’t figure out why until the tears started. it was only a day after, too soon for me.

I started to go back and reevaluate why this was happening. a big part was I came out of the scene too soon. a big part of it being that with new people around and in a foreign play space I was not comfortable with showing any vonerability. 

I also didn’t have Sir there so I think I shunned any physical aftercare. I really didn’t comprehend the amount of physical injury I had just taken.

When I got home, I fucked up again. I put no topical treatment on and just fell asleep. my ass doesn’t look bad, but my thighs are terrible. swollen and black and the physical pain I dealt with yesterday was equal to being in a car accident.

Funny I still ran, still did yoga, still made it through work, but the tears were not emotional they were tears from bad pain.

I have no idea if it was the impliments, the body part, or the inability to allow myself to let go, but I can’t ever deal with that kind of drop again.

I showed N the bruises and her reaction “wtf did he do to you?”

Then I showed her the harness and she could see most of it was from that. 

I’m better today, I took the only path I could think of to get through it, I traded bad pain for good, took a hot as hell bath, got good hugs from n, chocolate wine and a cigarette, along with many conversations with Sir.

This is the reason I sometimes want to run back to safe boring vanilla, to not deal with all of the pain.


It was a long yet short weekend. now I’m back to work. my thighs are killing me from thinking being a human pinata was a good thing.

I spent the last two hours in a mandatory hr training on being professional. the three people from my department learned we may be the most unprofessional group in the company and we r ok with it. 

Oh a funny that I forgot to tell sir, n had it in her head she wants to dom a guy and somehow started up talks with the couple. I told her thanks but nope, not my thing. the female asked me saturday night and I told her the same, but she was a bit gone so I said let me know what your plan is, but my answer is still nope. 

I really believe that if I ever dommed a male, I’d not be able to keep control. it’d be like the last scene with fet girl times  100. 

I don’t think I had any crazy dreams last night, since I slept until almost 6:30.

I’m mushy, cold and needing some lap time.

Return to Wonderland

I had this issue, so here I am with a decent knowledge of the NYC Fetish scene but where do I bring someone that’s only reference is Europe? No,  notthe actual wonderland party, but my version of wonderland. My every kinky dream in one place. FGD was going and I know the reasons behind it. Basically a pissing contest with his ex. For me it was a way to bring the Marquis into a play oriented space to see if she was as big of a presence as I thought she could be.

In hind site, this was as good of a move as I could have made. The clicks that were there the last time burst wide open to us and by the end of the party there was not one person there that we didn’t at least have a bit of small talk with.I’m generally not one to make big social jumps, but that’s what we did last night. The attention whore in FGD could not have been happier, but the entire time I just wished Sir was there. He would have been so proud.

We got there first, showed bible girl around. It was funny to see her amazement, even though I think she’s a real POS. I told FGD that the only piece of equipment I hated was the coffin. The marquis showed in full regalia, latex, corset and big powdered wig, with her husband in sub dress, plain back latex. She was like 10 feet tall and a real sight to see. The female host stopped dead in her tracks as she saw her walk through the door, I leaned in and said…I told you I had someone that I thought you’d like at your event. At the end of the night she thanked me and it was just a good feeling.

Time for a long travel to yoga. Side note, my resolution of Sunday only being for brunch and yoga is working well with little effort.