Shared blame

Last night I messed up.

Happy Tuesday was set to fall during yoga class. It was a bad class and I dislocated my patella. A mixture of pushing to hard and just a practice with too many lunges, not for anyone with a knee injury. I should have backed out of it when I got even a little unstable and the teacher should have warned me when I told him about my knees.

So it was both mine and the teachers fault.

When I left, my main goal was to get home, get food in me and my knee up.

I called Sir as soon as I got in, I didnt even look at my cell phone until after our call ended. I forgot tuesday. I got wrapped up in keeping my schedule. had I said happy Tuesday all would have been ok. 

But the first world were not that. what happened after…really wasnt a punishment. Sir is not big on that, mainly because there’s not too many ways to punish me other than cutting off contact.

What followed was pain and denial and what I needed to calm my rather busy and distracted mind. honestly before last night, I can’t recall the last time we had a scene over the phone. The clovers, the Hitachi and the plug. it felt good to cry again, to get rid of the constant analysis of …. everything.

It was an instance that vanilla life took over and like with the yoga teacher,  the blame was shared.  It crossed my mind a few times to ask for pain. I would have if C didn’t cancel. To also ask for a reminder, since I get lonely. Each time I thought to, something would come up or I’d be on my way to go somewhere. So the dynamic fell aside. 

Today I’m better, soaking wet, 100 edges done, yet calm. I see D/s largely as two halfs of a whole. So it’s never one person getting lazy, it’s a shared blame. 

I adore Sirs need to give me pain, cuddle with me and our long good talks about everything. We have balance and show each other all parts. I think of it less as lazy and more than the need for completion of mundane tasks got in the way.

One thing I know I have to improve on is voicing when I need the pain. There’s two things that happen when I go too long without it, one I get too needy, the other I get too type a. 

Happy Tuesday is one of the most endearing parts of our relationship. It’s a reminder that a chance phone call has resulted in almost two years of adventures, caring and support on both sides. 

Today will be a sad day for Sir. So I’m sending him a big hug. It may be Wednesday, but with each word, text and email, it will always be Happy Tuesday.

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