Deadlines

I currently have an 11am one.

In talking to a once removed friend last night I built on something I said to Sir yesterday. I’m really trying to take care of me and a big part of that is eliminating people that serve no purpose. Not in the “what they can do for me” tangible way, but the soul sucking users. The ones you give time, energy and emotion too and you get drama and stress in return.

So new rule. Yeah that’s right I’m making a rule. If I have to hold your hand through drama and listen to a never ending pile of shit without being asked how I’m doing, you don’t just get removed, you get blocked from my life.

Sirs going to see this and think oh this is the little R stuff. No, not really. I wrote her off the night of your birthday. If I could walk away from a 25 year friendship I can cut the fat with the people I have much less emotional investment in.

I’m trying to take a new approach in dealing with my feelings. Hippie guy says when you try to clear your mind there should be no judgements if a thought enters it, acknowledge it and brush it aside. 

What happens if the thought is pure emptyness? I sat on the bus today and I went blank, totally numb, there was nothing there. 

That’s not a better feeling than the normal 100 feelings at once I have. 

Maybe I am am emotional masochist that purposely surrounds herself with takers. Maybe That’s Why I Get To A Point AND Say Fuck It all?

I know Sirs going through his own stuff now and that’s fine, shit happens. For now I’m going dark I have dead lines to set and make.

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