Ok, febuary visit number 3……and just like the last 2 the weather is an issue.
This time, spring today, snow storm tomorrow. It seems we plan to go to the same party every year and every year we don’t. Brightside? No one else does either, so we aren’t missing anything.
This also corresponds with the doubts. Unlike the past this hasnt manifested as a total breakdown of subbie proportions, but more an interactive dialogue.
It goes a little like this…how much longer can thus last? How do you prepare for it to end? Are you both just being selfish to hold onto each with this much distance? Wouldn’t he be better off finding someone closer? Maybe he has someone else? Why don’t you ever ask him about other play partners or subs or if he has any? Are you really submissive enough for him? Are you really submissive at all or are you just a masochist and enjoy doing things for others? What’s wrong with me that I have to be alone?
And it could go on and on…
I don’t let these thoughts stress me anymore, but they are still there and sadly I’m not even trying to get rid of them. Doubt is a big part of being me on the inside. I think I do much better now at hiding it. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not, but even with these internal issues I am getting more self confident to the casual eye.
Things seem to be both influx and stalled out.
Oh and I’ve discovered that how I say I don’t like girls, they are evil, I also don’t like subs. Please to any reading this don’t take offense. The ones I’ve been encountering are just rancid. All schemes and drama. I’m trying to stay clear of them in the local community and associate more with switches. I think they fit my personality better.
With all this said, I’m not in a bad mood, sure I could still use a hug, but I’m holding my own at a bitch level 0.