Dealing with drops

N showed up at my house a ghost of her normal self. She drops horribly. Refuses to eat, lashes out, says she’s never going to do another scene. Tries to vanilla fuck swingers. 

I held her at the door for 5 minutes as she just broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. I was able to get her coat off and we moved to the couch where she continued to cry with her head on my lap.  After about a half an hour she could talk again.

She told me all about her frenzy and her shutting fgd out. The way he deals with drop is to call up a vanilla fuck buddy and basically screw it out of his system. This was in direct conflict with her need to be taken care of so she became irrational. 

She was able to hold off the break by meeting for lunch with the hostess, but that only lasted but so long. She kept saying they just don’t understand we just need to be held.

So that’s what I did, we talked and held eachother. The puppies joined in and we chatted the night away in a cuddle pile. 

She had asked earlier why tonight? I had no clue what she was talking about and she said that I was cleaning. I told her I’d be done by the time that she arrived and I think she doubted it.

See I’ve come up with a tangible way to not drop as badly when Sir leaves. Before he arrives I reconfigure the house in a manner that is functional to him, not to me. I pick up the scatter rug, move chairs around, about 50 little things occur. When he’s here I don’t clean, well except the kitchen. The day he leaves I change everything back and clean. I banish all of the food smells and return it to a cinnamon vanilla ish environment. I make it a show place. The reason? I’m hardly ever there. When I am there I have no need to have “stuff” all over. An organized house leads to an organized mind. When things are not where they should be my anxiety level rises. 

Plus it’s a signal from my eyes to my brain, the visit is over. 

I used to drop the moment I walked through the door, but now that I have a task of my own making that doesn’t happen. 


Another birthday is over 

I think this may have been my longest birthday celebration yet.

Big thank you to Sir for the cuddles, hugs and much needed nap time. Work has been nuts, but I needed to wrote at least a little something for you to see when you’re on your way home. I’ll try to write more, but work is, ughhhh.

Work x3

I woke up to the realization that my fabulous life of relaxation and yoga is on temporary hold.

Back at work and playing a game of catch up.

Sir and I had a nice Sunday. Slow and relaxed. Met an interesting couple. Had a good night’s sleep. We finally got the sleeping problems under control. It was as simple as changing the sides of the bed and adding four suppliments a day to my vitamins. 

At least now we can cuddle again without him waking like he was in a battle all night.

Birthday Surprises for the Slave

Last night I was a little off. We had plans to go to a well known club and our friends were throwing their first party there.

I knew it would be nice to get out and once I was there the fog would lift. I did tell Sir a big part of me just wanted to stay home, by day 7 I was kinda done with the whole birthday thing. L and M showed up and we had some nice talks and stuff before leaving.

A few people cancelled last minute, but that always happens.

There were no scenes set up, other than the traditional birthday spanking and I’m pretty sure at last count I am officially 179 years old. Or so I thought…….

L and M went rather quickly into the back rooms. That’s where the more sexual kinky stuff occurs. I thought that was weird, but I didn’t think too much of it, since L gets a bit jealous of my other friends and they have been on a streak of meeting new play partners.

SMG came in and right behind her was Bow tie man and the Bi Bulgarian. It was great to see them and I hadn’t realized it’s been almost a year since we’ve all been out. We were chatting and at that point everyone in the main club was just in a social mood. Sir had wandered off, but I don’t pay much mind when he  does that. I figured he was just looking around and saying hi to people.

The host and hostess came over for a quick chat and then FGD came in, looking rather pleased with himself. He asked How my night was going and I said good, He said “oh Botton, just good? Well, it’s about to get a lot better” Crap, Fuck, right there I knew something was in the works and in a matter of a second Sir was back with a blind fold. He lead me into the back rooms and sat down and had me face him, lifted my skirt and I felt a strapon. Totally a different feel from the real thing. I recall saying I really trust you a lot to not even be questioning this. I knew it would have been a girl I knew and then she pulled my hair and at that moment I knew it was N.

I came and then the blind fold came off and all of my friends minus L and M were there. Lol, only in this lifestyle can you say happy birthday, I’m going to fuck you doggie style with all of your closest friends watching to show you how much I love you. There was a big birthday cake and candles and gifts. The DC gang all chipped in and brought me the harness and dildo that I was fucked with. The rule, can’t get a new toy and leave the club before you use it:)

A riger that I’ve seen a few times came over and told me part of my gift was a suspension and when ever I was ready to come and find him.

I had one spanking prior to this, then at least four people got their wacks in as a group effort. BB sadly drank way too much and within minutes they were in a cab home.

So N was supposed to be busy with family stuff, but it turns out that stuff was actually done on Tuesday. She hated not telling me and when I thought about it, everyone had been rather silent this week. I just thought it was because they knew I was in a full yoga mode and then Sir was coming in, but it was so none of them slipped up and ruined the surprise.

Sir got to see what I had been telling him about. N turns into the most foul mouthed bitch during a scene. I don’t think he really expected it, but it’s always fun to watch. I had some good chats with BG and the merry bunch of rope bunnies. She was excited to see me go up, finally. She didn’t approve of the rigger, but she’s part of that really advanced circle and I just wanted to fly. I did a side suspension, my first and it was amazing. I even was able to end it when my pinkie went numb, something I normally had a hard time doing. Sir was there and he understands my gibberish well.

Oh and SMG even gave me a spanking. Ahe’s funny because she’s always so shy and kind that to have her on the other side of the bench must have been funny. There are so many moments I wish I could have seen but was in. I guess I’ve been trying to stay more in the moment and I did.

I went looking for L and M a few times and they were occupied with others. L was a little pissed and I know why without even talking to him. N was there and they recently had a fight. Another couple was there that they played with and they used him to meet people and then pushed them to the side. I had no use for them and it showed.

I did make sure to get him at a point where he was not in a scene and ask for my birthday spanking. I hope that showed that I care, even if I was off playing with others.

Sir is still sleeping. Time to wake him up and tell him thank you for a great night out.

I am Lava

or at least when I sleep I am.

Poor Sir has to deal with this. Long gone are the nights of cuddles replaced with hot flashes.

With the exception of this one very large issue his trip has been nice so far. We went into the city and saw an exhibit at FIT then over to see a gallery. We walked over 5 miles, not too much for me, but more than Sir normally does due to the weather.

I showed him where FGD and I went that one night after work that I was a total mess. We had drinks and walked a good distance up the newly developed west side. FGD was waiting at a bar down near his job. We grabbed a drink and then N picked us up.

I was in so much pain as my week of yoga came to an end. 11 hours of yoga and then the soreness had set in, FGD said even in as much discomfort as I was in I looked happy. Everyone sees the difference in my face when Sir is in town.

We went to a crappy hipster part of bklyn and had a nice night at a community social. Really good food and drinks and company. As I alway do I fell asleep on the way home. It doesn’t matter who you are just know if we are in the back of a car and the sun is down I’m going to fall asleep on your shoulder or lap. So in the blink of an eye we were home.

Today Sir is trying to get some much needed sleep and I am trying to find some remedy’s for the night sweats.

Proof my mother is my child

Yesterday was really a mixed bag. I heard from many friends, lots of birthday wishes and such. L sent flowers to my office, sadly I wasn’t there, but that’s ok since they were for someone named Dorothy and had a happy anniversary balloon instead of mine, so today I’ll get another flower delivery to my house.

I heard from my stepson and when I checked the mail there was a card from my goddaughter. I cried. I really don’t miss C, but that was just as much my kid as it was hers. I texted her and it was hard, really hard.

I said goodbye to my cousin who as we speak is on a plane to Georgia heading to boot camp.

My mother and I discussed just how hard the past year has been in a different way then in years past. We are both at the point of saying goodbye to many people and relationships. We both wanted to cry and in the past would have cried, but we didn’t. I told her I think it comes from living alone. This is the first time we are both living alone, well aside from the pups and we are dependent on ourselves to keep things running. She said she believed it was also having a dog that has changed how she views others. She told me a big part of it is when she comes through the door every day, she could be gone 5 minutes or  hours and she is greeted with love and affection. That’s because she was always a cat person and never had the love of a dog when she lived alone.

We headed to lunch. Every year, lunch at the same place, same table. We each get 2 different specials and share. A cup of soup, a salad, an app, a wrap and dessert. It sounds like a lot of food, but it’s at a rather fancy, yet reasonable place so the portions are french in nature and with the exception of dessert not at all a cheat. So the appetizer, every year the same conversation. I always order for the both of us. The only thing she picks is her dessert. I order alligator bites. Every year we have the same conversation when I do. Do I like this? Yes mom, you do. ok and gives me a I don’t really trust you look. When the food comes she takes one with hesitation and eats it. Oh these are really good I do like them. I point out to her we do this every year and every year the same thing happens.

As this is going on a big table comes in with 2 same kids. One an infant that makes mom smile, big eyes like me and the other a motor mouthed little boy. The father orders and I hear him get the same app. The mother tells the little boy to lower his voice that we were trying to eat.

We talk about how she will officially in her mind be old next year, 60. She doesn’t look it but to her it will be a big deal. I ask if she wants a party or to totally ignore as she normally does. The majority of our family has died on either her birthday or mine, so we aren’t great with the big celebrations any more. She wants to go on a cruise like we did the two of us years ago. She wants to get that for me for my birthday and I told her I’ll get her the full spa package for her gift. That made her happy.

something happened that I missed at the other table and mom asks How are you going to make me eat this, pointing to the app on the table if I get old and loose my mind. The mother tells the boy at the next table, it’s a special meatball. I start laughing and tell her that’s how! The other mom says, well everything is either a meat ball or chicken to him, it’s all he will eat. The father says in a hushed voice its alligator. I laugh and say I know, I just had the same conversation with her to get her to try it and next year I’ll tell her it’s a meatball too!. A few minutes later my bread pudding and birthday candle come out and they all (little kid included) sing one of the loudest happy birthday’s I’ve every had. It was a lunch with real joy and no tears.

Sir is moving his trip up a day, so I need to get back to my never ending list of things to do.