FGD is my Denist?

Ever feel like the world is just fucking with you?

That was yesterday. I worked my ass off to finish everything pending at work. I knew after getting a tooth pulled I would be in no mood to look at anything related to work today.

I leave with a half hour buffer to get to the dentist. I’ve been going there since they opened about 17 years ago. They were the only ones that took my insurance and they were in the building next door from my old job. Do to growing up and having to go to clinics, once I find a good doctor, I don’t care how far they are, I stick with them.

On the subway, I transfer from one train to the next, no problem, then we stop…..FUCK, It takes a half an hour to get to the next stop, due to “Train Traffic”. The MTA”S bullshit line for something is wrong, but we don’t want to tell you yet. I have to get to the financial district, it should be 4 stops away. I still had a half an hour when they announce “Due to police activity at Court street all (list a crap ton of trains) will be running on the (insert gargle) line to Canal Street. FML. I panic, get off at canal and look around, no one knows yet, there’s no pissed off people above ground, so I get myself an Uber. It goes through with no surge rate! Score one or me. I tell the driver about what just happened and his map starts lighting up. They just got the info and all of downtown Manhattan and Brooklyn are triple rate fairs.

I was able to get a call out to the dentist on the bridge to say I was coming but I’d be late. So I run into the office knowing they close at 5 and there’s a room full of people waiting. At this point I’m texting with Sir and N letting them know I arrived.

I get called in and they tell me the temp won’t be put on for at least a week so it can heal, I silently freak, then I ask again exactly what tooth is it and she says the third, I ask from the back or front, she says on the xray……ugh, lady, come on, then she laughs getting what I’m asking and says the second one from the back, it wont show unless you laugh really hard. THANK GOD….

This is where things get amusing. By this point I’m totally stressed out, nervous, feel like I’m going to vomit all over and I know damn well my face is showing every damn emotion.The dentist come in, the other day he came in and saw me in the chair and said “you, I know you” I really didn’t get what he meant at the time.

When they first opened it was an expansion of a small Brooklyn office, all Russian, no exceptions. Since then they closed that office and have many dentists and I don’t think I’ve seen this original one prior to this week for about a decade. Now he only works on the really hard and nasty cases. Wish I would have put that together first.

He gives me a shot and a pep talk and then it hits me, If I close my eyes, I’ll just pretend he’s FGD. Easy I’m used to taking pain from him, I’ll do some yoga nedra breathing like I do when the canes come out. He leaves and the assisstant checks on me a few times until I’m numb, then the sadist comes back. Now he is ready to talk, but my fucking mouth is numb! He tells me that I won’t feel pain, just pressure. I give him the Fuck you look, he laughs  and then tells me because of where the tooth is and the infection and the cap that’s on it, it’s going to take a long time. Again another fuck you look. At this point I realize I forgot to ask about yoga.

I open my mouth and he starts. I’ve learned way to much Russian and I know every time something not right happens he changes his language. This is happening way to long. He tells me if I need a break, to use the restroom, to close my mouth, to spit, to give him a hug or kiss……Yes he absolutely says this to let him know. He gets a double fuck you look and a giggle for that one.   We continue…My tooth was impacted, the fracture was stuck in my gum and the infection was like cement on the tooth, so about an hour later it’s out and I’m a bloody mess. He cleans me up, checks in with me and then shoves gause in my mouth.

A few minutes later he checks on me and then says a list of dont’s. All normal stuff everyone knows. I try at this point to ask about yoga, but I’m packed and can’t talk at all. He say “oh and yoga…” he remembered from a decade ago, when I first started at the gym next door. He says no inversions, everything else is fine, but wait a day or so.

I totally forgot we used to go to the gym and that’s why he recalled me. At that time I was very young and I guess he felt it wrong to flirt with me, but know that I’m forty, it’s ok. He also knows I take no meds and I’m a horrible patentient. I get a lecture to take my pain meds, not to be a hero….etc. I ask him for paper and write, what pain meds. He gave me none. Oops, he realized at that point he sent me home with an antibiotic and nothing else. Again knowing me he called in some motrin and that’s it.

I get tot he desk and N is no where to be found. I text her a really bitchy where ru? She says she’s on her way. I make an appointment to go back to get it checked Monday and they tell me I’ll be in at least four more times. I’ll be lucky to have a tooth by my birthday and I’m sure at least one of those days off will be spent in the dentist chair.

I turn around and N is coming though the door with FGD. I start laughing. Now I have to figure out how to get home because according to the news in the backround there was a massive watermain break in bklyn causing subway shutdowns all over. There is one x bus right outside that gets me into my neighborhood. We all go outside and we laugh and hug and they see I’m ok. The novicane is still in effect, so I’ll get to the pharmacy and home with no issues. I text them the short version of how I pretended the dentist was him and they got a kick out of it. Sir was in contact through n. I managed to get a seat and get tot the pharmcy, then home, unable to speak and starting to not feel great.

Sir and I spoke, well he spoke and I texted him my answers. I woke up crying. It feels and looks like I got punched in the face. It’s totally a first world problem and for that I’m greatful.



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