Happy Staycation

Finally a week off.

If I stick to the plan laid out I will complete 11 yoga classes this week. Everyone of them a different practice and level, even a barre class throw in for good measure. Don’t worry Sir I’m not over doing it, if I’m going to teach, I need to be at this level. Oh I even found out yesterday that the fancy studio pays on a scale of how many students show per class. It’s funny how different studios pay. I hear equinox pays the highest, guess I should have stayed in touch with the heartless Domme D.

I got into some very weird mood yesterday before yoga. Even though I got a good laugh over the very broken screen protectors, I fell into a funk and I found myself laying on my bed. I had to give myself a pep talk to get back up. It was something like, look around, you did this, no one handed you anything, blah x3. I did get back up and had a really good class. Even better that I know the workshop is affordable and I’ll be going back again in April. The teacher did say something that has me thinking again. I asked her where she trained and yet again it was the other studio I was contemplating, not the aireal one. It seems as though the style that they train the teachers there is something I really like. Hell, even crazy lady enjoys it and gave herself a treat of a month practicing there. So now I’m back on the fence and only have a couple of months to choose.

After you went to sleep last night I got into a totally different mood. I guess I started to hyper-analyse myself. This being a side affect of yoga, looking internally to figure out what your soul needs. I’m on a a mission to try to figure out what I need in life to feel some sense of wholeness. I was throwing around the need for a more steady female relationship. Play partner and friends are great and all, but I don’t think for me that it is enough. I know if N had more freedom I wouldn’t be feeling like this. I think it’s that need to be physically grounded, in a non kinky way. When my moods swing as high and low as they did yesterday I need that skin to skin connection to make everything ok. This is something I can’t get from a one off experience. There’s a part of me that wants to have someone that’s mine. I guess a need to own. Maybe that’s why my top drop was so bad. Even in the very beginning of this journey I had expressed my want to give another female aftercare but I think it’s growing into much more than that.

Today I’m in a much more task oriented mind frame. I have a list and time points to meet. Yet I’m torn between my need to be alone and with others.

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