Proof my mother is my child

Yesterday was really a mixed bag. I heard from many friends, lots of birthday wishes and such. L sent flowers to my office, sadly I wasn’t there, but that’s ok since they were for someone named Dorothy and had a happy anniversary balloon instead of mine, so today I’ll get another flower delivery to my house.

I heard from my stepson and when I checked the mail there was a card from my goddaughter. I cried. I really don’t miss C, but that was just as much my kid as it was hers. I texted her and it was hard, really hard.

I said goodbye to my cousin who as we speak is on a plane to Georgia heading to boot camp.

My mother and I discussed just how hard the past year has been in a different way then in years past. We are both at the point of saying goodbye to many people and relationships. We both wanted to cry and in the past would have cried, but we didn’t. I told her I think it comes from living alone. This is the first time we are both living alone, well aside from the pups and we are dependent on ourselves to keep things running. She said she believed it was also having a dog that has changed how she views others. She told me a big part of it is when she comes through the door every day, she could be gone 5 minutes or  hours and she is greeted with love and affection. That’s because she was always a cat person and never had the love of a dog when she lived alone.

We headed to lunch. Every year, lunch at the same place, same table. We each get 2 different specials and share. A cup of soup, a salad, an app, a wrap and dessert. It sounds like a lot of food, but it’s at a rather fancy, yet reasonable place so the portions are french in nature and with the exception of dessert not at all a cheat. So the appetizer, every year the same conversation. I always order for the both of us. The only thing she picks is her dessert. I order alligator bites. Every year we have the same conversation when I do. Do I like this? Yes mom, you do. ok and gives me a I don’t really trust you look. When the food comes she takes one with hesitation and eats it. Oh these are really good I do like them. I point out to her we do this every year and every year the same thing happens.

As this is going on a big table comes in with 2 same kids. One an infant that makes mom smile, big eyes like me and the other a motor mouthed little boy. The father orders and I hear him get the same app. The mother tells the little boy to lower his voice that we were trying to eat.

We talk about how she will officially in her mind be old next year, 60. She doesn’t look it but to her it will be a big deal. I ask if she wants a party or to totally ignore as she normally does. The majority of our family has died on either her birthday or mine, so we aren’t great with the big celebrations any more. She wants to go on a cruise like we did the two of us years ago. She wants to get that for me for my birthday and I told her I’ll get her the full spa package for her gift. That made her happy.

something happened that I missed at the other table and mom asks How are you going to make me eat this, pointing to the app on the table if I get old and loose my mind. The mother tells the boy at the next table, it’s a special meatball. I start laughing and tell her that’s how! The other mom says, well everything is either a meat ball or chicken to him, it’s all he will eat. The father says in a hushed voice its alligator. I laugh and say I know, I just had the same conversation with her to get her to try it and next year I’ll tell her it’s a meatball too!. A few minutes later my bread pudding and birthday candle come out and they all (little kid included) sing one of the loudest happy birthday’s I’ve every had. It was a lunch with real joy and no tears.

Sir is moving his trip up a day, so I need to get back to my never ending list of things to do.


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