It ain’t easy

There are many times I wish I was not a masochist. I wish I could process emotions without pain. To me it seems like it would be so much easier.

I get emotionally hurt and really try to not seek the pain, but I end up in the worst mind frame. It’s like being in a constant war internally.

This weekend Sir agreed with a much more hands off approach with people. I’m sucking in way too many of there emotions adding to my already full head. A long weekend of yoga, 7 classes in 3 days. A controlled healthy version of pain.

For the first time I saw pictures of my practice. I really had no idea how far I’d come until looking at the third party image. They were sent with a message of gratitude from crazy lady. To her there is no better feeling then when a student reaches a teacher level and she says I have. That’s a big boost going into today.

What I need  to do is keep my masochistic streak under control and not over do things.

I’m still empty, numb. My intention for today is to refill. I’ve been reading this book on zen practices and discovered it’s way to advanced for me. I’m just not there yet mentally so I picked up a more beginners book. My hopes is to combine the physical with the spiritual and work on my karma a bit. I’m one of those people that really believe in karma and that I must have been a total douchebag in a prior life.


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