Back to the beginning 

Sometimes you forget, forget those feelings. The period where you first get to know someone. The time when you’re building the trust.

When Sir and I hit anything near a rough patch, it’s not for “normal” reasons. We don’t fight, we don’t argue, we don’t have those mudane things shared like money or daily responsibilities in our relationship. It’s only the physical distance that can cause a disconnect.

Having said that, we still take care of each other. For now, my way of taking care of him is to say, please take care of your health and don’t travel. Even if you’re at 50/50, it’s worth it to wait until you are close to 100. 

It’s not that I’ll be bothered if you aren’t well, but you will be. You’ll be pissed at yourself for not being able to do the things you’ll want to do.

Back at the beginning we didn’t know each other but we had a sense that we wanted and we’re looking for the same thing. 

I’ve been feeling a real lack of submission lately. I know why, well at least some of the reasons why. First, I’m not a slave in the manner of some of the other people will define that title. I’m just his slave. He expects his slave to be an independent kicks woman. The nightmares have shown me how true his description of us having an emotionally based D/s relationship is. 

For as much as I emotionally have submitted to him, I find I’m equally emotional dominate even sadistic to others. 

I tried to read the old posts and recall the fone memories attached. I wish I could have slowed that period down to enjoy it a bit more. Sonething bothered me though, the words although true and sweet sound as if they were written by a stranger. 

That’s both a good and bad thing.

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