I was supposed to go to an all day festival. There were five classes that interested me, sadly due to rain and racism that didn’t happen. Luckily I reached out to one of my friends that was there first to see if it was worth the fours hour train ride.
Instead I went to my normal Saturday class. I always say I hate that class, but it’s better than nothing. Today the teacher finally found a balance in her practice and transitions. The result, me a crying mess. By the time the weekend hits, I need to release. Sometimes it’s by a good hard impact scene, other times it’s cuming until I pass out, but mostly it’s a good hard class with a nice restorative part at the end. I hunt these classes down and sometimes will pay just or that one class at a fancy studio in order to function for the coming week.
Today I was able to let go and cry. I so needed those tears. They were tears from being strong, from not breaking down, from trying so hard o hide from Sir how very worried I was for him. Not for us, or for me, but really for him. N and FGD, hell even L and M saw it first hand. It was a coldness in my expression, an unfocused look in my eyes. It was the utter shut down of any emotion, so I didn’t feel afraid. Today I let it go an cried in the dark lights, I allowed myself to be weak and as a result left much stronger, calmer and focused.
Lots of weird things have been going on these past few days, but none of them were bad, just weird. Maybe I’ll write about that some other time.