Just Sleep

Sir said in this mornings email that I should make plans with N and FGD to go out.

This weekend the two of them are together. They went to a Broadway show last night and then may have gone to a party. N suggested I go to the party with them, but there were a few factors that lead to me staying home.

The first one was the show. FGD has had some financial issues and had put off getting the tickets. N was getting very frustrated with this and pulled the big girl, I’ll just go alone card. I told her there’s no need for that I will go with you. Yes, it’s an expense but I now have a savings, although small, but I could have done it. When he mentioned it again last week and brought the tickets, there was never the thought, of oh, maybe I would still want to go? That’s me being petty, but I do enjoy the theater. I would have said no, since I’m not big on being the third wheel and in an instance like this I would have felt like that. Funny how going out to eat or to a party I don’t but this was something really dateish and different. It’s a story of, it would have been nice to be asked.

Also, there were no good parties last night. She was talking about going to a semi=swinger event thrown by some crazy red head that I had a run in with a couple of years ago. I’ll pass on that.

The main reason and the one I explained to her that made her say ok and totally drop the subject was Sir. He needs to sleep. I know when I’m out he won’t sleep. He will force himself to stay away until he hears my voice from the landline and right now, two weeks from the incident, he needs to rest in order to recover. So this weekend we will both rest. I will not add any extra stress into his life.

Sleep has been an ongoing issue with both Sir and I. The lack of normal sleeping patterns adds to the stress you have and your body can process. So never mind all the mental issues it will cause. It’s the physical ones that we are now dealing with. So my way of dealing, do as many good for you things as you can do in one weekend. Yoga, meditation, run, facials, hair treatments, juice fast…..the list goes one and for him, I just want him to try to get on a regular sleeping schedule.

The other night I mentioned to FGD that I was taking three days for a juice fast and he had a look of shock and horror, exclaiming “why would you do that?” He is our version of Miky, he will eat anything. He loves food. I told him it’s healthy, insert another look of horror and he says “you’re thin enough”. I tell him it’s not about the weight. It’s about letting your organs rest. Giving them a break from working so hard to breakdown food. Still not an acceptable answer. Then I think…..I know something that will shut him up! I tell him “I have to feed the Masochist” Eureka! He laughs and says ok, that I will accept. It’s totally a lie, but it is a rather nice side effect of fasting. Funny, I don;t get hunger pains in the way I’ve heard others describe them. For me this is about taking some control of my health. In the past it would have been starve to punish myself, but this isn’t that at all. My only hope is the juices taste ok. I haven’t used this brand before, but it’s one of those fresh pressed home delivered things, so it has promise.

So this weekend, we both just sleep, no alarms, no time tables, many things that can be done, but don’t need to be done. When you go through very hard things like we have, you need to be soft to yourself in return.

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