Anything is possible with enough lube!

A long long time ago, all the way back in January, n brought mr glitter. She saw it across the room, big, thick, gold and glowing. A large suction cup dildo.

It was stored in my play chest with the promise that I would take its virginity. I don’t think I realized just how big he was!

N came by Saturday night. She was in a weird mood. We watched the story of o. I was running on a few hours of sleep and she was still list in her own thoughts. She put on another movies and I fell asleep with my head in her lap.

Sir called to say he was going to sleep, so I knew no cums, I figured no play either, but I was wrong.

As we layer down she asked me if I would let her fuck me. She also wanted me to ride her. Then she said where’s Mr glitter? I think really? Ride that fucking monster? Ok, with enough lube I can totally do this. 

Sir was fast asleep and n was latelling so she had an edge for every minute. 20 total. We both fell asleep exhusted and wet in each others arms.

The following morning she asked again wanting to finish her last 2 edges and cum. The suction part attached to her clit snd every movement causing her to come close to climaxing. In just a few minutes she was cumng and I was still edging. 

I gave a real love-hate with denial. The energy is great, but at a point I become unable to focus. I’m nearing that point. 

Yesterday I figured out why she was in a weird mood. It was saturday, the day her husband was in another country, signing away her kids future. 

My poor ass

I let N decide my Friday night plans. Her week was really bad and I was willing to do whatever brought a smile to her face. Sadly-not-sadly beating my ass was her plan.

We made limited rounds and said our hello’s. It’s a party thrown my a real douche dom. At least our friends were there. We claimed a big play area in the back and she started to warm me up as he went to say hi to a clingy pain in the ass. Oh and let’s not forget bible girl was there. Of course she was there. The douche dom was one of two people I warned her about so now she’s in service to him….what an asshat.

Let me preface this writing and the amount of bad language it may contain by saying I had four hours of sleep. Loads of energy, but not the good kind, the frantic, weird, I edged way too fucking much and am crawling out of my skin kinda energy. I’m going to just go with it and get lots of tasks done. No use fighting this.

So back to the scene. For over an hour they took turns, mostly hands because for some weird reason my pain tolerance was not very high, or at least high for me. Looking at my ass you’d think differently. Maybe it was a combo of the stomach flue and going to the chiro yesterday, but nothing past the firehose and hand were enjoyable.

The biggest problem with this club is its s\ cell phone rule and the fact that even if I could sneak the call to Sir…..there’s no damn reception. So I just accept, it’s a night of edging.

I cried, I laughed I even took a few good wacks at N. She likes to fight a bit in scenes, so I gave her what she wants, since my mouth is usually pretty useless.

There was a point I was on FGD’s lap and they were both hitting me and N said something and I went from limp to alert in a breathe and wacked her ass. She grabbed my hair and said oh, you want to see what you’re in for tonight. She took out her cell and at 2pm Sir sent her a long text. Telling her basically that I was not able to cum and that her job was to continue to edge me all night and that I would get rewarded with cums tonight when just N and I are alone. Oh I remember what that little sadist was doing…….she knows, she found out about my poor vanilla clit.

During a scene, or hell, when the wind blows the wrong way my clit is my weakness. She took this rubber flower thing and kept stroking it and gently hitting it, all with a big smile on her face. Not nice to do to someone on orgasm denial day!

At 200 edges I lost count. When the scene ended there were hugs and as the ultimate act of aftercare, FGD handed me the remote to the shock collar around her thigh! I stood up and commanded her to dance for me bitch.Now I got to smile through the tears still streaming down my face. The two of them had a scene. I went to call Sir and have a smoke. When I came back they were in full steam ahead. A needy girl was all sour pussed because FGD wasn’t paying her attention. I had her old best friend hold N down and every time the other girl would circle and really she must have circled 50 time, I had her ex friend block N’s view. This is the one person that could cause N to have a scene to go bad and honestly this bitch was trying hard to do that. I wasn’t allowing it, nope, not on my watch.

After the fun and games were over we watched a really skilled suspension. I’ll give douche dom one thing, he gets good riggers.

There was also the very young blond girl and her many male slave, it was really nothing that was my taste, but big kudos for the amount of control she had and intensity in the moment.

So today I’m up and me and my poor bruised ass are heading to yoga. I should make N kiss it later.



At 5 am one if not both little dogs wake me to go under the blanket. They are old, small and now with summer haircuts they get cold. I am their radiating sun of heat.

So this morning I look at my fitbit and noticed a trend. I see the few minutes or more for the doggie wake up and then I notice about an hour after falling asleep I become super restless. 

I know when Sir is in I will wake up edging. Poor Sir will often get a slave humping his leg in the middle of the night. Oh and there was that time with the hitachi. I had to keep it unplugged for a while.

So based on my irrational sleep pattern I believe i am sleepsrabating.


You look great today. Lol, the most said phrase, not because I put any effort in, but because I’ve looked like the walking dead all week long.

 I’m so glad Sir didn’t see me. 

I’m in a pretty good mood. Don’t know why nor do I care.

Thinking of doing a nice good run later. I have lists to make of things to get for Sir. Sadly he requires food and that’s something I really have little of.

Thats about all I got for today.

Please excuse

My ramblings lately.

I’m starting to feel better. Drop and the stomach flu hit at exactly the same time. Talk about a major mind fuck.

I was convinced that N never wanted to see me again. We have plans for friday. 

I was convinced that because I have feelings for her I in some way broke a promise to sir. Turns out it was more a promise to myself. 

There is a real learning curve for me when it comes to my relationship with Sir. I’m allowed more than I could have thought. I don’t just mean in the kinky stuff, but I’m allowed to be happy. I’m still trying to figure out what that is, but I’m trying.

Today at work, I’m trying. I know not much will get done, but I’m here and that’s also a good start.

Ever think…

I should have stayed alone?

Life is easy that way. I take care of myself just fine. There’s little chance to feel real pain. Even less chance to cause it.

At the beginning of my friendship with N a part of me said I will never do anything with her for her own safety. Sadly I’m way too selfish to ever put someone’s needs over my own. I know this.

I analyse.

There are two roads this drama will take. One puts her life at risk, the other cuts her off from everyone completely. Neither one is acceptable to me. Plus even the road that keeps her with him, is not a safe one.

I wish I never met her or any of my current friends. I wish I stayed in my safe sad place. I think I would have cried less than I do now.

Maybe I’ll move away, far away, start again. Work, gym, home. repeat.

I dropped yesterday. I have a stomach virus on top of it and shit is hitting the fan at work, so I can’t even take a sick day. When I dropped I cried really really hard. Funny how your brain almost becomes uncensored when you drop. You let your worst fears rise to the surface and spill over. The shitty part is my fears aren’t made up. They are real.

You know Sir, I always do this, I say I won’t, but I do. I get too involved emotionally. I can’t ever separate the emotions from the physical. That’s not me. The result is I will always feel the pain as much as the pleasure.

So now the only thing to do is back off. Go back to being a friend, but build a wall. I’m really good at that. Sir said don’t write if you are ick, but it’s when I’m sick that I need to write.

I miss…

This weekend was half really good, half really bad.

Brunch with the bride was fun, lots of chatting, laughing and even a ferry ride. 

That night n was staying over. It’s the first time she has and it took much planning and for fgd to be occupied with someone else. I can’t bitch about being second, o mean that would be wrong. Yet, it’s there a bit. 

We had along talk when she got there. Things are to the breaking point with her husband. I feel really bad. Her family is behind her and I hope she can get out once and for all. 

Funny as we talk she had no shirt on and I have skimpy pj’s. We talk holding each other. Most of our conversations happen with my head on her tits. She makes me feel safe. Almost like sir, but not the same. 

What makes her different than other girls I’ve been with? There no judgement, I can tell her anything and even from the start, she wouldn’t look at me with ….that look. All girls have it, it’s a look that a million times worse than a man calling u a whore.

Also she never ever disrespects Sir. When we play the first thing she does o’s look to see where the phone is. No matter how involved we are the second she thinks I might start to cum, she puts the phone in my hand.

Last, we have no dynamic. With us so far, all of our private plan is sensuous. We don’t even use toys. It’s as vanilla as the both of us get. It’s what we need from eachother. 

So I had all the toys out. We agreed no impliments in private, we save that for public play. As sick as I am, even starting to replay it, my cunt drips. 

She told me at the start, she just wanted to please me. That’s something I’ll never allow, I’m no pillow princess, but I knew what she meant. I can see flashes if her sucking my nipple and locking my cunt. So warm, so soft. Knowing her one on one experience with a woman is only with me, I asked her if there was anything she wanted to try. She wanted to sizzor. She came and then I asked her if we could 69, I had to jump off of her face for two reasons. First it was too soon and if I came it would have been unstoppable and ended the night, second I felt my need to really top her and she’s not ready for that yet.

She started again, sucking abd likcling my clit, that was my first call to sir. Then I started walking her through fisting me. We called and I came, then sir talked her through it the rest of the way. I finally let all the stress go and floated deeply in subspace as she held me and I cried. That’s how we fell asleep, I never came back from my subspace, but remain there in her arms until the morning.

I only wish I could have said goodnight to sir and thank you. The thank you is not for the cums, but for being strong enough to know that I need that female conection.