Killing Time

I wanted to sleep more, but couldn’t and now I’m sitting here killing time. Everything I have to do today is mapped out with time points and I didn’t a lot for this hour or so of “free time”.

I was able to read some blogs and I haven’t done that in a very long time. I realized so many of my favorite bloggers have disappeared, no goodbye, no notice, just up and vanished back into the real world, I guess.

I woke up in a bit of a funk. I have no clue why, other than I’m really tired of blowing my nose. I feel like somethings gotta give. Next weekend is a shitty one for me. I like to try and not think about it, but as so many have asked what I’m doing, I really can’t ignore it.

I feel like I made plans, but I can;t recall them.

I know that Sunday I will maybe see my mom during the day and N says her and FGD want to hang out at night. They are doing a shut in week end and I kinda got a bit pissed at that since I had asked them a few times to be there for me. I guess like with most things, I’ll just take what I can get and shut up about feeling like an afterthought.

I don’t have off on Monday, like the rest of the world and I’m ok with that. There’s too much going on at work to allow for a 4day weekend.

WTF did I plan on Tuesday? I know there was something, but at this very moment I can’t think of it. I have to try very hard not to fall too deep into my pity party of one. This in no way means I have the ability to be a social butterfly. I also can’t “people” much either, because I know that I may say things to hurt those around me.

Funny thing…..it has so little to do with my anniversary. Damn, it’s 11 years, a different lifetime ago. It’s more….well, that it is a different lifetime ago. I don’t know if that makes any sense. If I look at my wedding pics, I had an big bridal party and you know what…..I don’t speak with a single one of them anymore. lol, the one I talk with most often is actually my ex because of either finance or insurance.

lets see…..there was my maid of honor:

A decade long friendship that I played mother and keeper to a girl that left at the first sign of an easy life or so she thought.

My Matron of honor:

C-we all know that story. I still haven’t heard from her.

The rest:

Crazy m, non-judgmental d (the most judgmental ever) and all of my in-laws and the kids.

The majority of my guests, don’t speak with them either. I wonder did I lose them or did they lose me?