Being scared

Friday 8-18- it’s not always a bad thing.
I’m scared more often than I would ever admit, most times I cover it with fake bravado. This works rather well in my professional life and not so much in my personal life.

I was very scared of this visit. Afraid that Sir would over do it and even more afraid I’ve changed way too much in the past few months to be reactive to our dynamic. 

Saturday- my intention was to finish that thought, bur life happened and I never got back to things. So instead, I’ll just do one uber long post for Sir to read when I return to work tuesday. 

The weather was horrible, so even Sir agreed heading for the subways was nit wise. I was pooped. Telling Sir and him seeing the level of exhustion Im at by Friday are two very different things.

I managed enough energy to make sure he ate and we watched a show together and that was it. He woke me to go to bed around midnight. 

Now the weekend is here and although the weather is perfect for a pool or beach, I don’t think it’s good for him to be out in too long.

We take care of each other and that’s all that really matters. I know this trip he wanted adventure and to return to the “we”, we were before all of this started, but august has historically been a bad month. It isn’t helping n is back on vanilla lock down and fgd is away with the bible girl. 

He made plans with l for tuesday and I’m hoping to come up with something safe for him to do this weekend.

I do have a little surprise for him. He had requested and orgy of nurses, but sadly they cancelled. Yet he still has his doctor.

Thursday night we returned to a good scene we both enjoyed and that’s to kitchen blow job. I think that took away some of the fears we’ve both had. 

Tuesday- I haven’t had much of a chance to write. Sir finally got to take the pups to the dog park and saw first hand that the girl really hates it. All of the pictures of her have that look of I’m going to kill you in your sleep.

Yesterday was the eclipse, it wasn’t a full view from the city, but thanks to a woman across the street, we were able to see the partial through her glasses. 

FGD came over for a short visit. We are trying our best to show n support, but she is wasting away before our eyes. I wish she could see just how much he loves her.

I’m back at the office, not an ounce of me wants to be here, but…. Oh well.

Tuesday- the weather was the worst it’s been all year. Sir and l went to the city to see a movie. The movie wasn’t good, but they still had a nice time out. 

I was concerned and a bit pissed. I asked him to make sure he ate and took water. When I got in both the water and food were still in the fridge. I went to the gym to try to break the stress. It only mounted because when I got home the little dog vomited again. 

When Sir came in he could tell my mood was one that was on the verge of exploding. L was talking his shit about he will make multiple trips and I just wanted to tell him to shut up. If he did do that for months I would here about it and end up having to totally shut him down. Truth, I just don’t have the time for such high stress people.

Off to work again, the weather now raining and my mood matching it.
Wednesday at work…….

Long and productive day. He says he’s feeling better since the temp went down. Sadly l is not feeling well, so I think his park walk will be cancelled.

It’s friday and tgif! 

I wanted to give sir something to read as a surprise. I widh it could have been better thought out or more…something.

Today he is on his way home. I wish I could have been less stressed, but there’s next month and birthday trip to look forward too.

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