Hi

My original title was Merry F’ing Christmas, but I thought that would give the impression that I was not in a good space mentally.

This is year 5 of a new tradition, waking up alone on Christmas morning. I know that sounds like a sad thing, but it’s not.Ever since I could remember I always woke up around 5am. Yeah, I was that kid, who turned into that adult. I never lost the hope of magic that Santa had come and left me my dreams under the tree. That gave my mother a short window of time that my excitement would allow sleep. As an adult, I still do the same thing. Its been decades since I’ve woken to presents in the tangible sense. We started exchanging gifts after everyone left on the eve when I was 20. Yet the need to open my eyes, so very early has never gone away. Today is no different, up and with the pups, lit the tree, had some coffee, laid down and started to think about where I am in life.

No Sir, not in the overthinking way.

This year was hard. I can’t deny that. Work is a disaster, but it’s not for lack of effort. My new job is just a no win kind of position, but it pays well. For the first time in years I’ll start the year off with 2 vacations already booked and mostly paid for. I don’t worry that the rent has to be paid or if the train stops running, can I afford an uber. I even realized if I was to loose my job, it would take a full six months before I’d be up shits creek. So I’m thankful for my shitty-stressful job.

As for my relationships, I’m grateful for them too. I once put it out there to the universe what I most wanted and when the time was right, I was given it.

Sir, I miss you. Neither of us are the people we were three years ago. Most of that change is for the good.  The parts that aren’t are a blog for another day. Our relationship started as D/s, but now it’s something much different out of necessity. You’re my best friend and the rest of the stuff doesn’t matter in the long run.

From the beginning you encouraged me to find a like minded girl. I din’t understand that. If I was so much to you, why would you want me to bond with another person. Maybe you didn’t, maybe it was the kink. I don’t know, but I guess this year I was ready. That’s also a blog for another time.

N and FGD are still doing there dance. They have something great, that one day might just make for a happy ending. By far my most successful match making to date.

Merry Christmas