None of my relationships up to this point had given me what I most desire.
And I’m not talking kink. Sex is easy. It’s everything else that’s hard.
Since our first talk, I wake up every day to his words, images. He lets me know that he thinks of me. In turn he wakes up to my words.
The first time I saw his messages I cried. The tender thoughts, always keeping my feelings in mind, always asking me to tell him everything. Never having to censor myself. It’s what I’ve always dreamed of. Lol, I’m still trying to get used to it!
He encourages me. He brings me the courage to do the things I’ve always wanted to, but never could. He knows my mind, soul and body so much better than I do.
Since sir went home Sunday what I miss most are those tender moments. Sharing coffee at the dining room table, just talking. Naked collar,cuffs soft blanket or sweater. Warm comfortable. I feel totally at ease, they way he looks at me makes me melt.
Laying my head on his lap while he watches tv. Falling fast to sleep. Not because I’m tired, but because I’m safe , I’m where I belong.
Cuddling with him and never wanting to leave his arms. Fitting perfectly into him. The ying to his yang. These are the things I miss most.
Brain me still has a hard time with this, not accepting his warmth, but more believing I’m worth it. Acknowledging that he appreciates me as much more than a group of holes to be used. That’s my doubt, placed there by the others that came before him. Everyday it is growing less. Everyday I trust him more. This is truly a scary process.
I feel complete when he touched me.
He sees me, really sees me.
The first night, when he took off the blindfold and I looked in his eyes it was magic. I was on his lap, never having seen him before, just a waist sincher, collar, cuffs and heels. Feeling perfectly comfortable. There are no words to explain how happy my soul was to be in his arms, to look in his eyes. His eyes have such amazing warmth to them. We kissed hugged, even laughed.
We talked at the table shared food and wine with Celtic Christmas carols and candle light. It was the most romantic experience I’ve had to date. It felt like he belonged there. Like the hole I’ve walked around my whole life with was filled, brimming with happiness. Just a simple hand being held. Such a small but meaningful gesture. To let me know when we are speaking he is there, 100% there with me. That’s what I want, what I need.
Don’t get me wrong, the sex is great, the kink wonderful, but the way our souls connected is the best thing by far.
HE completes me.
I am HIS pain slut.
I am HIS cum slut.
I am HIS slave.
I am owned.
I am HIS.