Tag Archives: sir


I’ve been reading all of the blogs I follow and the tags I post to.

It got me to thinking about what the whole allure of bdsm means to me, why it is so necessary.

Let’s try and dissect…..

The kink- sex is easy
Especially for a girl/woman
Even when my self esteem was super low, I knew if I wanted sex it was easy enough to get an interested partner.
But when the time is taken to really set a scene, plan out and visualize every little detail, the anticipation alone could result in a bone shattering orgasm. And when you have a partner that puts in an equal amount of effort and work into it…….everything just works.
There was a time not long ago that I was ……cold . Dead, no sex drive, no desire to be touched, bone dry to the point of physical pain.
It wasn’t until I decided to start watching porn again and started thinking of my youth that the daily obsessive self inflicted orgasms started. This was just prior to the x-m.
I was amazed that it was that simple the need for just some visual kink to make my body start working.

The pain-I now know that my body will react to pain in the same way as pleasure. A sweet touch and a hard crack of a whip will make me equally aroused. That was a hard thing for my brain to come to terms with. I cum from pain alone. I know there’s more to it….it’s also the praise after. I know I’ll be taken care of and that my need and love of pain is appreciated and approved of, never shamed. It make so many things so much easier.

The bondage-my brain and body sees it as a warm hug, it produces an immediate slave space. A physical act that triggers both a physical and mental change. Not to mention a great nights sleep!

The mental D/s relationship- this is the best part for me. I’ve had a crappy one and it’s like anything else, there’s good and bad relationships. When you find a good one it feeds you from the inside out. It builds you up, you stand taller, talk braver, do things you could never do with out the support of a strong dominate. I am in my career and vanilla relationships in charge, confident, never letting anyone no the doubts I carry with me. In my relationship with sir I tell him everything, he is my air. He has taken the time and put in the effort to make me trust him in all things. That is what you never get from vanilla. You never get that spiritual connection. You never get that trust to give everything you are to another person. He knows me and is respectful, cares for me, most times more than I could ever care for myself. That is what I know has been missing in my prior relationships, not the pain, the kink, the orgasms but ……. The communication and trust.
That is something most people will never understand. It’s a beautiful thing.

I am his slave.
I am his pain slut.
I am his cum slut.
He makes me happy.
I am cared for and respected.
He is my sir.
I will do anything he tells me because I trust him above anyone else.
I am his, owned completely.

Enough dissection for today.

Back to “normal”

So just like thanksgiving and black Friday, yesterday I was blah, off, numb, machine like and devoid of most feelings.

Turned out sir was blah to. We have a routine that we enjoy. I had horrible insomnia, now sir tucks me in and I sleep solid, securely. Then I wake up and I see texts or emails. I know he thinks of me, I respond in kind, first thing every morning. Then I write to him through the day, emails blogs texts, so he always knows what I am thinking. So our communication is kept wide open. No secrets. He dies the same. I love to hear his voice and we are getting really good with the “short” phone calls(but I never want them to end).

Yesterday was the first day that routine was broken. We were so busy, little time alone.

Sir did beat me to the 6pm one month anniversary call. That meant so much.

It’s funny, to most vanilla couples yesterday would have been considered a day of good communication, but not to us.

We agreed at around 9pm there was no one thing that lead to the blah mood, just a bunch of little things. Snowball effect.

Waking up this morning looking and seeing my email with the command- no more blah!!! And I was happy. A list of tasks, such sweet words of endearment as we will see each other in just days(would be more specific but I don’t know the schedule yet;).

I long to be in his arms, on his lap, him petting my hair, telling me “good girl”, no kink, just emotion, mutual affection, security in the fact that I am his, I am owned, I am his slave.



A bit of a detour from my normal blogging, but a necessary topic for my brain today.

My previous blog had much more music, less visuals. Something I noticed this morning.

I am that girl with the music blasting in her ears. My mind works so constant and fast that to function on one task I have to quiet it.

Growing up there was music, every hour of the day. I wake up with songs in my head. There is a soundtrack to my dreams. Every mood made more by the addition of the right song. I will listen to most every genre of music.

Having said that I’ve become obsessed with Ingrid Michaelson. It started one morning on the way to work in the city. Pandora on mixing a bunch of stations in a rather blah dead inside mood. The song below came on. I thought wow, bet she’s been standing right here, on this boat, dreaming of a different life. As I did everyday.

At work I looked her up and sure enough we come from the same crappy little island. Then I started listening more. Building an image in my head of her. Since everyone that lives here is only one degree of separation one of my family members knows her parents and I almost want to ask for an introduction to see if I’m right.

The song of renewed hope and taking control of my life again was featured in a prior post. It described my exact feelings in that moment.

And not too secretly I think we may just be wired the same way.

Lol and look sir, she happens to be a cute red head now!

A new state of mind

I have just came back from a totally new and different slave state and I don’t want to loose these thoughts.

There was much build up to this discovery- more on that later.

Sir rewarded me well for my obedience tonight. I was so dripping wet when I got home he let me have the binder clip on my clit, then 2 fingers in my cunt hole, then how wet was I? Could I get 4, yes, then five, the twist twist, sir says I can come, counts back from 10. At one I cum. I fall right into a new state. He asks is the blanket near me. Yes it is. But I don’t need it. I’m not huddled, shaking. I’m spread eagle, mouth open eyes rolled back. No brain at all, paralyzed. When j snap out of it, it was like a rubber band. I went to full alert. My cunt hole is still throbbing wanting more.

My whole body tingles, my mind is sharp as a tack.
Another first checked off the list. There were a few of those tonight.


I’m so bored.

The combination of the rain and emotions of the last couple of days just makes me wish I was in sirs arms. The feeling of complete trust and security.

I miss my collar and cuffs. Being naked and serving him. Having wonderful conversation at the table. It’s funny how these images make my cunt wetter than the kinky ones.

I miss him. Truly miss him, his smell, his laugh, his warm smile.

I should have enough distractions with the holidays coming, but that’s when I miss him the most. When I’m surrounded by people and only want to be with him.

Happy slave

Such a bad day turned into such a good night thanks to sir. I messaged with a girl I really like L. She is very like me. I could really see becoming great friends with her.

I had a call with another woman C. She told me all about her SLS experiences and some of the clubs her and her husband go to. She cute and extremely outgoing. We both got so wrapped up in our conversations that we burned the food we were cooking!! Too bad she’s extremely vanilla, but seems like she’d be fun to dance with.

Lastly I found what seems to be a decent D/s couple. Within an hour there were emails phone numbers, voice calls and picture. This make me very nervous and excited.

The best part sir was so pleased I got pain as my reward. Clamps nipples and clit, kneeling next to his chair. Talking to him. I told him what My brain would recall about my conversation with R. We spoke about my outfit to come and meet him. He commanded me to pull all 3 chains off with no orgasm. I did, I was so nervous, I come hard from just the pain. Sir is training me so well.

What I enjoyed most about our conversation is that of all of these people he wants me to meet with L the most. He likes the idea that she is so much like me. I know he hears in my voice how much I enjoy speaking with her.

I know my orgasms are not mine. I also know that sir likes when I’m happy and right now I truly am..

I’m also tired! Oh and dripping wet!

Such a bad morning

Last nights sleep was horrible and the site I woke up to this morning was horrifying!!

It took all morning to clean up.
One of my animals almost died. Long story I never want to relive.

Thankfully sir knows me. He knows how to make me feel better.

Slave on her knees, suction dildo on the wall, pretending it’s sirs cock. Pictures to sir. Plug in my slave hole, dildo on the wall, fucking my holes hard, full, all feelings no thinking.

The whip, I hear it, soon I’ll feel it again. I cum every-time I heard a good crack, begging sir, please whip me.

Closing my eyes seeing the welts.

Big heavy chain through my slit holding them both in, walking, pants and jacket on standing out side, feels so cold and so full.

Over the slave station fucking myself hard, one in the other out over and over. Wanting to cum for sir. Such a good full orgasm.

One more week.

Then I get to crawl up on sirs lap, used, shaking, thanking sir, begging sir for more. Getting that all important “good girl” sir knowing I will do anything for him, I am his.

Sleep whore

On the ferry, remembering last Sunday with sir. Being so happy with my head on his shoulder enjoying the soft rocking if the boat. Being just a bit sad, knowing he was leaving, hoping he would be back soon.

Today is different. I’m standing, charging my phone, drinking coffee, looking the part of the typical New Yorker. Enraptured with my phone, ear buds in, scornfully glaring at the tourists pass by.

He is sleeping!!! Normally he would tell me a time to wake him, but it’s Sunday. So I hope he’s having a good sleep and even better dreams.

This time I know in just a weeks time he’ll be back. No guessing, no brain insecurities kicking in, just knowing we will wake up cuddled in each other’s arms soon.

Sleep whore or not, I’ll be calling him soon. Just to hear his voice.


Just read my prior post. The grammar errors astound me!

I do love that state, that slave state only sir can lead me too.

My brains back, off to finish my last Christmas present!

A little something for sir. I miss him so much! I’ll see him soon, that much broke through to my brain, it’s that important to me.

Biggest smile ever, I think my vision is coming back.

The whip

I hear it in my dreams. My minds notwith me. In that beautiful fog.

The sound before the strike is what I long for, it means the pain is coming, it means I stop thinking, I only feel. I cum harder than ever before, every strike an orgasm.

I trust sir to know how much I can take because I don’t. Once I’m in this fog of a slave state every ounce of pain gets absorbed. I devour it, I scream for it, I beg for it.

Today I was a good girl. I always want to be his good girl. He says get the plug, I run for it, says I’m going to be allowed to cum. I bend over the slave station, tits pressed firmly down on the cold hard wood, on tip toes, all holes open, ass in the air. Fast and hard I put it in, the first pain moan, always the best that first hard thrust into my slave hole. I am complete.
Then he says wait. And I hear it. He has the whip I dream of, long for. I tense hard in the plug waiting for the stile, with every strike j cum. I know long cum from the hole that’s being used. I cum from deep inside of my soul. I hear the strike, cum, strike , cum, can never count this by strike 2 I have no brain for anything but obeying sir.

I’m such a good girl sir calls back, we just hung up.I’m sitting her plug still in, he says up down on the wood chair again over over , then sit hard, cum at one, counts back from 10. I cum hard, makes sir so happy. In that space I’m happy to, I pleased him. My orgasm is his not mine. My own orgasm is dull boring, meaningless.

Sir please bring the whip. Please let me cum for you? Please bring the tears, let the last bit of me go……..