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I remember 

I spent the day with my goddaughter. She made me remember.

I was there when she came into the world, so often C will say, “she must be yours, not mine”.

She starts high school next week, she has all good nerves and really excited. I did her hair and makeup, helped her complete her last reading assignment.

She reminded me of what I wanted. 

I don’t know the how or the when but I think I’m going off this path. I’ve always wanted that unconditional love a mother has for a child and tomorrow I’ll make the first of the calls to see if I can have that.

She’s not perfect, no where near it. She has ashburgers, ocd but she’s also gifted. I’m the only person that understands how she thinks. There’s a part of me that still believes in a different time …. They’d have … Seen my issues, so similar to hers.

High school will be hard, she’s promised to call and text, a promise from me , C will never know of our conversations. She will have it hard because she is so pretty and different and above all kind. Not any description you add to a “normal” teenager. 

It was a good day.

I’m so tired, a good tired.