My heart breaks

i am analytical. I see the big picture. I pick apart the little peices and I can see what is broken.

Knowing when shit doesn’t work…. Well, it still REALLY FUCKING HURTS.

I didn’t want, I didn’t walk into this friendship or that weekend expecting to feel what I do. 

So now I cry. I mourn for so much. I told her it’s better to just dump everything at once in me. I’m used to it. 

I don’t like to get close to people, my heart is too tender for that. I’m good with arms length relationships. It’s also why I’m always so lonely. I can be in a room of 50 people I “know” and still feel utterly alone. She made me feel… Understood. Too much alike for our own good.

I wanted to take this blog down, I even wrote a goodby post.

Now I don’t know if I can write openly, knowing my words may hurt her, or I may censor myself worse than I already do.

I want to crawl back into my bubble.

It’s safe and easy there.

To shut it all down, no feelings, be a good slave, nothing but holes. 

One thought on “My heart breaks”

  1. Pain is just a doorway. You have a choice; to open it and walk forward or close it and walk backwards. Why you make that choice is as important as the choice you make.

    Liked by 1 person

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