6 month in review

  

The biggest difference has been sleep. I don’t know if this is what Sir expected, but everything leads back to sleep.

He was so afraid of me becoming a sleep whore like him. I’m not, by any means. Today and this whole weekend I slept until 8:30. 

There was a time I thought more than three hours of sleep would be impossible. For 6 months I survived on naps, up at four, gym by six…..I looked like a zombie.

My mind raced, never shut down. When it did I would have night terrors. Staying awake was all I could do. All of my relationships suffered, I was short tempered and ….. At my wits end.

Sleep makes you…..unguarded. My walls were so high, I wouldn’t let myself in.

For the first 2 months I slept well when Sir would put me in subspace before bed, then when he was here and now finally at the six month mark I can sleep a full eight hours every night. The lists and doubts and replaying of all of my interactions during the day have stopped. The dread of bedtime is gone. His sweet words tell my body it’s ok to relax.

Also for the first time I talk to him. I tell him my doubts and I don’t feel like I need to censor them. That alone gives me a peace I’ve never known. 

I still have times of trouble, stress, a crappy self-image and periods of drop, but I’m human. When these things happen I have Sir to turn to. He listens, is kind and I know he is there for me. 

Happy six months Sir.