Fucked up morning

You know your off to a great start when you wake up to an alert from your bank that your account is overdrawn!

So I get up, consult my list, run around my house like a crazy woman. 

Little R calls and I say out loud “fuck her, im not answering” then of course I answer. She wants to know what I’m doing later. I say meeting Sir in the city. So she says I’ll meet up with you. I tell her we are going to a store and the. Heading to Roosevelt island. She says ok, let me know when u leave for the city. A part of me wants to say, no, stop, can I get one ducking minute alone with him?

Another part of me knows something is up with her. She wants to come out saturday, she has t mentioned the ac/married guy crap in days. So im leaving it up to him. 

I also woke up and my teeth hurt. I was having stress dreams and I know at one point I shot straight out of bed. My reaction to stress is self inflicted pain, I was grinding my teeth all night, to the point that they hurt and feel loose.

I know a part of it is the possible/probable play tonight. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had any group play that is sexual in nature and I had one of those “what the fuck am I doing moments” crap, I really thought I was well past that mind fuck. Guess I’m not.

The funny part and I think what stresses me out the most is my physical reaction to situations like tonight. I get insanely turned on by the thought of being one sub to three doms/tops. The flip side is that’s a lot of pressure to please that many people.

Im excited to see sir, but im building things up in my head and making myself stress out. I just need to breathe. I need a hug. In hind site, I should have not slept withy collar (it makese itch) and put it in my bag last night, with everything else.