just had a long chat with my mother. She’s feeling it too. Yesterday so many things stirred memories of nana and now we are both at work with tears.

I hung her wedding photo and took out the books I found that she gave me as a young child.

They smelled like her and I hugged them and cried. It’s funny, maybe they didn’t and my cruel mind just recalled her smell. 

Today was her birthday. So although last week was hard, today I celebrate her life. The best way I can do that is by caring for others. She was smart, sassy, and strong, but more than anything she cared for people. She did everything she could to help. She always was gentle, lol unless you fucked with those she loved.

So no misery today. Although I’m lonely and sometimes in my loneliness I shut down and build my walls, today I’ll let the walls down for her. I’ll reach out and let those I care about know. Even just in little ways. I will take a good long look at my life in a relaxing bath (as she did every night) and thank god for the blessings I have. Lol, maybe if I’m really mushy I may even pray. Not to God mind you, but to her, hoping she hears me.

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